Page 149 of A Duchess for his Family

“I did not.”

Sophia’s chest ached.

“He was simply… there. All my life. Irritating me, arguing with me, making everything louder than it needed to be.”

The faintest shadow of a smile touched Benedict’s face, then vanished.

“And then he was not.”

Sophia squeezed his hand. Benedict looked at their joined fingers.

“When Amelia and Marjorie became mine to protect, I thought I could prevent anything else from happening if I was careful enough.”

“You made rules.”

“Yes.”

“So many rules.”

He gave a breath that almost became a laugh.

“Yes.” Benedict continued quietly. “The thought of losing either of them terrifies me.”

His gaze lifted.

“And somewhere along the way…” He stopped. Sophia scarcely breathed. “The thought of losing you became just as frightening.”

Her heart seemed to stop. Benedict looked at her as though he could no longer hide behind anything.

“When I realized that, I did what I have always done.”

“You withdrew.”

“Yes. I thought distance would make it safer.”

“For whom?”

“For me.”

The honesty of it hurt. Benedict’s fingers tightened around hers.

“And perhaps for you as well. That was what I told myself.”

Sophia looked at him. “Did it?”

“No.” The answer came immediately. “It made me miserable.”

A tear escaped before Sophia could stop it. Benedict saw. His free hand rose and brushed it away with his thumb.

“I missed you even when you were in the next room,” he said.

Sophia closed her eyes.

“And when you left…” His voice broke slightly. “I understood how thoroughly I had failed.”

She opened her eyes again. Benedict was watching her.

“I thought loving someone meant giving the world another means of hurting me.”