Page 16 of Holding Onto Love

Jasper turned pale. “That isn’t right.”

“That is war. Jasper, every time I said goodbye to Henry, I knew it could be the last time. Every time, until it was. I have spent far too much of my life waiting to hear reassuring footsteps. That’s what I mean by being left alone. It isn’t my place to ask, and logically I realize you are in no danger, but if you know you won’t be returning at night, will you tell me beforehand?”

“Yes. Yes, of course, I will. And if I am ever detained and you are expecting me, I will send word.”

She felt a wash of relief and laughed shakily. “I will outgrow this, I expect. I know it is a great deal to ask—”

“It is not. In truth, it’s basic courtesy. What else?”

“You must ask one of me first.”

“Is that how we will do it?” He hmmmed and regarded his hands. “All right. But this one is delicate.”

“Go on.”

“I noticed you have been using…” He clenched and unclenched his fingers. “A vinegared sponge.”

She nodded, willing herself not to blush. She needn’t justify herself.

He said, “It is only that—as I understand it—the efficacy of that measure is unreliable.”

She knew that. “But it is better than nothing.” So Lydia had told her.

“French letters are a better option.”

“But difficult to obtain. And impossible to afford.”

“Ha! Well, no. On both counts, no.” He reached out to touch her arm lightly. “If you’ll permit me, if you trust me, I’ll take care of that. You needn’t.”

“I trust you.”

She had more to fear from an unwanted pregnancy than he did, but perhaps he did not trust her to always take the necessary precautions. Which steered them toward the inevitable. The question that must loom largest before them both.

“Your turn,” he said.

So she must raise it.

“You are heir to an earldom. I know that means you will one day need a countess to bear you an heir.”

“I—”

“No, don’t interrupt. I know how your world works, Jasper. There are some things I cannot abide. I will not engage in adultery. Our contract ends when you take a wife.”

He nodded, jaw tense, pale, looking at the floor. He said quietly, “I agree.”

“All I ask is that you give me fair warning. When the time comes, when you are ready to start courting in earnest, will you promise that you will tell me first? Will you allow me the dignity of my retreat?”

“Yes, of course.” He sounded choked.

“All right. Your turn, Jasper.”

“I’d like—” He grimaced. Then, though his chin was down, he lifted his eyes to her. “This may be too much for me to ask. But, for example, those thoughts that kept you up? Those difficult-to-banish thoughts? If sharing them would help to banish them…” He shook his head. “The devil. We jumped into this so very quickly. I’m trying to say I’d like to know you better. I’d like for you to know me.”

She hesitated. There was a measure of protection in remaining strangers. Still, she answered truthfully. “I’d like that too.”

Chapter Six

Jasper knew a few things about his new mistress and was learning others.