Page 49 of Holding Onto Love

“Yes, and I know it.” He didn’t want her to think he was merely whining. “I could see the fun in it. But Reg, who is near-sighted to boot, can put a bullet through the center of a target at fifty paces. Probably farther. And he never trained himself. He plucked up my father’s pistol the first day he was permitted to shoot with us and boom.”

“For Heaven’s sake.” Her lips twitched as if she was picturing his dismay when it occurred.

“And then there is Crispin. He should have been Father’s heir.”

“You can’t say that. You are the very image of the earl.”

“He has authority.”

“You have authority. You just wield it more nicely.”

“And he plays the piano. By ear. He will look at sheet music, out of habit, I suppose, but he doesn’t need it. And he plays with an emotion that brings my mother to tears.”

“That’s hard to picture.”

“I know. Which is also annoying. He does not give the impression of being a musician. Meanwhile, I cannot even sing. My family will not even tolerate my humming.”

At that, Vanessa laughed. “Yes, well, I have heard you.”

He gave her a weak smile. “These are but small examples. I look at them, with their many talents, and I look at myself…sometimes I wonder why they don’t scorn me.”

“Jasper!”

“That is self-pity, I know. Or you may accuse me of false modesty if you wish. I know I have gifts.” His lip curled deprecatingly. “I am handsomer.” Then he shook himself. “The devil, Vanessa. You must want to slap me. I’m thrown off balance because Crispin just did slap me. I don’t owe him an explanation. Of course, I don’t. Nevertheless, I’ll hie off to the drawing room and try to compose some sort of response.”

*

A pile of crumpled foolscap in the bin beside the leather-topped rosewood writing table testified to Jasper’s inability, over the course of the next three hours, to find an answer to Crispin’s single word. Moreover, the brandy bottle was drained. There had only been two glassfuls in it, and he was sensible enough not to call for another. But damn. Why was this so hard?

He didn’t owe Crispin an explanation. But he owed one to himself. And he could not come up with one except that he had been captivated by Vanessa. Which was not enough.

When he heard the knocker on the front door below, he was relieved before he even knew what distraction it might bring. Then he heard Hazard’s voice and felt downright elated. Vanessa brought him to the drawing room.

“Hazard wishes to speak with you, Jasper.”

“He’s always welcome. Come in, Haz. I’m sorry but I’ve finished off the brandy.”

“Ah. That answers my question then.”

Jasper wrinkled his brow. “Which is?”

Hazard glanced at Vanessa.

“She may hear anything you have to say,” Jasper said.

Vanessa said, “Thank you, but I think I would prefer to leave you two alone.” She backed out and closed the door.

“She has been holding up very well,” Hazard noted.

“She has. Better than I am, at the moment.”

“What did Crispin say to inspire you to empty the brandy bottle?”

“Ha! Not much. What did he say to you?”

Hazard pulled a letter from his jacket. “Only requested that I give this to you, but not until I had ascertained that you had read his previous note.”

“He must have written them sequentially and the order mattered.”