Page 87 of Holding Onto Love

“I appreciate all that you did. I’m not sure why you did it, but thank you.”

“Say nothing to Jasper. In fact, say nothing more at all. You may hear things. You may draw conclusions. I will ask you not to ask questions and not to speculate aloud.”

As she nodded, he took her wrap from her and draped it around her shoulders. Then he took her elbow and murmured, “We’d better get to the receiving hall before my mother has a fit. It is quite improper for me to be here with you.”

“Oh, for pity’s sake.”

He walked her down the hallway, pointing out features of the wing, what was behind some of the doors, and the provenance of the large landscape painting on the wall. It was not even a full day since Jasper had brought her along the same hallway, silently, roiled by fury he was struggling to control. And she had been shaking with shame and fear. It felt like forever ago.

As they reached the main part of the house, Vanessa slowed.

“Is Hilyer going to leave London?”

Crispin said, “You’ll have to ask Jasper. I wasn’t at Brooks’s last night. Although I did see a cartoon in the Post that suggests he was successful.”

“Ah. The Morning Post. A favorite of yours.”

Crispin halted. He faced her stricken. “Vanessa, I’m sorry. Truly. I was peeved at Jasper, but I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Crispin.” She stiffened her spine. “I’ve listened to you. Now you must listen to me. You have no right to be peeved at Jasper. None. You are not his keeper, and you are certainly not mine.” She held up a hand to silence him. “I am grateful to you for seeing me safely out of Corunna. However, I was unaware that your help was conditional.”

“It wasn’t.”

“Apparently, it was. You seem to think I owe you more than my gratitude.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“It is. My life, and my choices, are my own. I chose…I choose…to be with Jasper. We decided on the terms. That decision is no one else’s concern. So it is unclear to me why you think you had cause to be peeved with your brother.”

Crispin was quiet. She could see his brow cloud. Then he said, “You’re right.”

“I think you are less peeved with him than you are disappointed in me.”

“But I’m not disappointed in you.” He sounded genuinely confused by the accusation.

“With the idea of me. I think you are. I was quite the soldier’s-wife-heroine, was I not? Until I succumbed to Jasper’s wiles and became no more than a common courtesan.”

“All right. Enough. Let me think.” He stood a moment, staring at the wall. He tapped his fingers together. Then he said, “You may have a point. But I think, too, that I sometimes feel a responsibility for my men that extends beyond my remit. I felt responsible for you. I should have realized that Jasper was not…was not taking advantage of someone helpless. That had you not wanted to be with him, you would not be.”

Now it was her turn to ponder his words. It seemed they had reached an understanding. Of sorts.

“So now?” she asked.

“Now?”

“You will agree I am not your responsibility.”

He shrugged. “Now you are Jasper’s.” Then he grinned. “And he is yours.”

She pursed her lips. “That must be a great weight off your shoulders.”

“Ha!” He tapped her elbow and led her the rest of the way, more quickly, back to the entrance, where Jasper paced back and forth. When he saw them, he rushed forward and caught her in his arms. Crispin stepped back.

“Vanessa, I’m so sorry. I should have come for you last night. I should have sent word.”

“Is Hilyer leaving London?”

“He—I believe he’s already gone.”