Page 21 of Waiting for Love

Olivia stood between Mama and Georgiana. Mama only nodded, but Olivia and Georgiana dropped curtsies along with everyone else. The display was not silly. It was necessary. Given Vanessa’s history, it was important to accord her their utmost respect to indicate that everyone else must also.

Head held high, Vanessa walked the long gauntlet of servants, finding a word for each of them. It took a long time.

It surprised Olivia to note that Fergus, a fine groom but young, stood beside George, who ruled the stables. George was gruff and growing old, but there was nothing he did not know about horses. Henley, who was second after George, should have been next to him. Henley was good with horses, but he was a nasty fellow who believed women did not belong anywhere near the stables. He had always tried to bring out spiritless mounts for Olivia and once, to her face, said it didn’t matter to him if she cracked open her head, so long as he was not blamed for it. Olivia preferred to fight her own battles, generally, but this she reported to Jasper. Who apparently had words with Henley because he ceased being openly disrespectful. It was strange that he would let Fergus stand in his place.

But that was not her concern. Not today.

She nudged Alice’s arm. She seemed a bit overawed by the ceremony and Olivia wanted to include her as family. She was family.

“Doesn’t Vanessa look marvelous?”

Olivia’s new sister wore traveling clothes that were plain but of obvious quality. And, when she’d stepped down from the coach, Olivia had caught sight of her boots, a yellowish leather tooled with what she suspected were roses.

Alice nodded. “Jasper looks fine too.”

They snickered together. He always did.

When the couple reached the end of the line of servants, Jasper dismissed them all then strode over to Benjamin, who had been standing apart. Olivia couldn’t hear what they said, but Jasper clapped him on the shoulder and laughed, so it must have been more than just cordial. Benjamin bowed and took a step back but did not otherwise move until Jasper took Vanessa by the elbow and walked toward the family. Then Benjamin melted away, following the retreating servants. Olivia felt a twinge of disappointment. She’d hoped Jasper would draw him into their circle. Reg had tried already and failed.

“Let us clean up a bit,” Jasper said, gesturing to himself as he reached them. Olivia snorted. His clothes were immaculate, he smelled of sandalwood, and he had not a shining blond hair out of place. “Then I think tea? If we are not too late?”

Mama laughed. “You may order tea at midnight, if you like, Jasper. But no, you are not late. Go. Change your clothes. I’ll speak to Mrs. Hardy, and we can meet in the parlor in an hour.” She looked buoyant. “It is so good to have everyone together again.” Her smile faltered. “If only Crispin were here.”

And Papa, Olivia thought. But she didn’t want to be the one to inject grief into celebration.

An hour was good. She could soak her hands in hot water first. Her gloves hid the dirt under her nails that had not completely come out with simple scrubbing. If she wore gloves while eating tea cakes with her brothers, Mama would want to know why. And “I was playing in the dirt, Mama,” was not an acceptable answer.

*

Soaked clean and gloveless, running late, Olivia dashed toward the main stairway, but halted when Benjamin emerged from around the staircase and stepped in front of her.

“Benjamin!” she gasped, almost skidding.

“Lady Olivia,” he said harshly, “may I have a word?”

“Well, yes, of course—”

“This is yours.” He pulled her hairpin from inside his jacket and thrust it forward, nearly jabbing it into the hand she stretched out to receive it. She pulled back without taking it.

“Oh! But it is merely a hairpin.” Why on earth was he so angry? “Hannah may keep it.”

“She may not. She is far too young for frivolous vanities—”

“For pity’s sake.” She glared. What did it mean to him that she had at least a half dozen of these “frivolous vanities” stuck around in various parts of her head? “It is a toy to her. Not an adornment.”

“Nor do I wish her exposed to greed and gold lust when she is not even three!” He was not shouting, but his voice was so hard that its quiet was worse. “You should be grateful she is young enough that tragic memories have not stayed with her. Or your foolish game could have reroused night terrors that took months to quell!”

“Night terrors?” she whispered.

He turned his head. She could see a muscle twitching in his jaw. His whole body was tense. Even his fists were clenched.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Carroll. I would never intentionally have frightened her.”

“The harm you do is never intentional.”

Heat spread up from her neck to her hairline. What harm? Hannah had not appeared frightened while they were playing. And Benjamin said himself that her memories had not stayed with her.

She set her own jaw. “I have apologized for whatever thoughtless crime you think I have committed by entertaining your charge. But I will not continue to beg your pardon for unspecified harms when I believe I am guiltless.”