Page 37 of Waiting for Love

Upon reaching the stables, he left Goose with one of the hands, then walked up the soggy path to the house. From a distance, he noticed a figure huddled on the steps in the cold. Olivia.

Forgoing the path, he made fast straight across the lawn. Olivia was wrapped in a blanket. Not her pelisse. And she was weeping.

“Olivia, what is it?” He ran up the steps.

“Oh, Benjamin.” She choked a great gulping sob. “She lost the baby.”

His legs went soft, and he collapsed beside her.

“How?” he asked. “There was no indication…how?” Why? “My God. Poor Georgiana.”

“Not Georgiana.” Olivia shook her head rapidly. “Vanessa.”

“Vanessa? But—”

Olivia was crying too hard to make any sense. Benjamin put an arm around her and drew her against his shoulder. She was shivering, too, without seeming to realize it, so he pulled the blanket tighter and Olivia closer. For several minutes, she continued to cry. Eventually her tears subsided into hiccupping bursts as she caught her breath.

“We didn’t know. No one knew,” Olivia managed. “Until Jasper came running down the stairs, white as a ghost, yelling for a doctor.”

Benjamin didn’t know what to say. What to ask. “The doctor came?”

“Yes, but it was too late.” Olivia rubbed a hand across her swollen eyes. “Jasper is with her. Mama went to talk with her, but not for long. She doesn’t want to see anyone.” She sniffled and pressed a corner of the blanket against her nose.

“Here.” Benjamin drew back to pull a handkerchief from his waistcoat pocket and put it in her hand. For a moment, she just stared at it. Then the awful memory of the last time he’d given her his handkerchief flashed into his brain, and it was as though they were reliving the moment.

Olivia made a sound. Not quite an “oh.” He thought she would cry again, but instead, she snorted, then wiped her eyes and blew her nose, then tucked the handkerchief into her sleeve.

“It is all just so awful. I know having babies can be risky but…” She trailed off.

Benjamin was thunderstruck. “Is Vanessa all right?” he demanded. “Physically, I mean?” Jasper couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t. It would destroy him.

“The doctor says she will be. She didn’t…” Olivia drew a breath. “She didn’t lose too much blood, and the baby was very small. Mama said…” Her face reddened. “Other things. I don’t know.”

Female things. Benjamin didn’t want to know.

“Was it a boy or a girl?” he asked, because it seemed the thing people always asked.

Olivia frowned. “They didn’t say. Which must mean it was a girl.”

“Why?”

“Because.” Her voice broke. “Girls are useless, except for having boys.”

“What?”

“Jasper wants a child, but he needs an heir. People will try to console them with ‘at least it wasn’t a son.’ People always say the stupidest things.”

Benjamin chewed on this. And found himself even more worried he’d say a stupid thing. Still… “Girls are not useless. How can you say that?”

“Not all girls. I don’t mean Hannah. But for an earl, a daughter is useless.”

“Your father doted on you!”

She sighed raggedly. “Papa could afford to dote on me. His line was well secured.” Her lips pressed tight. Then she murmured, “Peers’ lines must be secured.”

He regarded her steadily for a long moment. She wasn’t looking for pity. She was stating a fact. If she had been the firstborn, the earl would have been…disappointed.

Oh, Olivia. His heart pulsed as he heard what else she was saying. She would have to give some peer a son. Or die trying. What possible reassurances could he give in the face of that?