Page 50 of Waiting for Love

Alice turned her face to the wall and began counting slowly. Olivia took off. She ran to an old stone bench behind the wall, but had second thoughts about crawling under it when she saw the mud. She heard Alice: seventeen…eighteen…

She darted to a separate part of the ruins where there was a niche with high walls that they used to call the garderobe because it looked like a medieval water closet. When she and Reg were little, they hid there all the time.

Benjamin was tucked in the niche.

“Twenty-five!” Alice shouted.

Olivia stared wide-eyed at Benjamin, feeling ridiculously panicked. He grabbed her arm and pulled her in beside him. The space was not large enough for two adults. They were squashed chin-to-nose. Olivia was panting a bit from her run, and Benjamin’s breathing sounded fast and shallow. She tried to read his thoughts. If he could read hers, he would know she was fighting a wild impulse to kiss him. Her whole body trembled with tension.

She lifted her chin and found him peering down at her. They both began breathing more rapidly. More unevenly. She raised up on tiptoes. He dipped his head lower. Her eyelids fluttered closed, and his lips brushed hers.

She had no basis for comparison, but didn’t think it counted as a kiss. She opened her eyes and mouthed, “Kiss me.”

This time it was a very definite kiss. A thrill swept through her. This was not her imagination.

Benjamin lifted his head, his breathing even more ragged. Olivia lowered herself to a flat-footed stance, so her view was back on his chin. She was afraid to look up. She knew what she would see in his eyes. Remorse. Guilt.

If they were caught together here, like this, even by Hazard, even by Alice, she would be compromised. Benjamin would truly be wracked by regret. Jasper would be furious. With reason.

In another moment, he would run away from her again. She knew he would, and she couldn’t bear it. So she slid sideways, slipped out of the niche, and she ran.

*

Olivia thought that Benjamin should have run after her. Or he should have come to her later and told her he loved her. Or he should have gone to Jasper to ask permission to court her. He had done none of those things.

She had seen him only once more before he left for London. She saw him, but he did not see her. She had been at the top of the main stairs, and he was in the hall at the bottom, speaking with the Byrds. Speaking with Jilly, while Mrs. Byrd imperiously directed footmen what to do with several boxes that heralded another morning of bodice pinching and hem marking. Jilly and Benjamin had made an incongruous pair, with Benjamin in his plain dark jacket and Jilly in a bright jonquil frothy construction, trailing ribbons. Even so. They had certainly seemed to have a lot to talk about. She’d backed away from the stairs.

A week had now passed since Hazard and Benjamin’s departure. They’d left early in the morning in order to make the most of the daylight hours. Olivia had not gone down to see them off. Rethinking the day at the folly had made her realize the indiscretion had been entirely her fault. She had, quite literally, thrown herself at him. Again. When he’d tentatively touched his lips to hers, she encouraged him to take a greater liberty. Her behavior was inexcusable.

Oh, but that kiss. It proved…something.

Once more, as she had done at least a hundred times, Olivia put her fingertips on her lips to touch where his had been. Such a curious experience. He’d kept his hands at his sides. He didn’t put them anywhere on her. Even so, her entire body had grown warm.

Was this something that happened whenever two people kissed? Or would it only ever happen with Benjamin?

“My lady?” Tansy interrupted Olivia’s reverie with a note of impatience. “Please stop moving your chin. It loosens the pins.”

Olivia’s cheeks heated. To hide her embarrassment, she scolded, “I can’t walk around wooden faced. If the pins won’t stay in with my hair this way, arrange it another way.”

How uncomfortable it was, being a lady. She had to walk in flimsy shoes, keeping her head perfectly straight, while long stays pressed into her ribs and lifted her bosoms into a position where they did not belong. All to attract a husband who was surely more interested in her fortune and her family name than in her bosoms.

A husband who might, but who probably would not, warm her with his kisses.

Tansy huffed and took down the side-of-the-head bun she had been attempting and resorted to the usual chignon.

“Better,” Olivia said, patting it firmly. She grinned an apology for her ill temper. “The other looked like I’d grown a third ear.”

“Miss Byrd says it’s the latest fashion!” Tansy protested.

“No!” Olivia exclaimed, widening her eyes. “Three ears?”

Tansy giggled. Olivia picked up her bonnet and pulled it onto her head. She and Alice and Mama were riding to Ipswich to visit the milliner. Two new hats. Just to get her started. Mama insisted the rest must be purchased in London. Once the baby came. Although she claimed to be pleasantly surprised by Mrs. Byrd’s work, Mama said it was still important to sport some London-made clothes to prove her sophistication.

“You must mean to fake my sophistication,” Olivia had replied, making Mama purse her lips. Mama said Olivia’s coming-out would be a trial. But she was only teasing. Olivia had heard her telling Jasper that it would be a triumph.

What did that even mean?

Alice burst into the chamber without so much as a rap on the door.