Page 86 of Waiting for Love

Lady Jersey nodded. “Of course, you may waltz. It would give us great pleasure.”

They said their thank yous, wished Lady Jersey a good evening, and crossed the floor again.

“And?” Jasper asked.

“I may waltz.” Olivia made herself giggle. “Such a silly performance.”

Jasper didn’t answer. He was nodding over her head. She whirled about to see Ebersom, who was, as usual, flawlessly turned out. His lips were crooked, as though he were struggling to arrange them into the appropriate form.

“Lady Olivia.” He bowed before her and spoke to the floor. “Will you honor me with a waltz?”

She held out her dance card and he put his name down. The waltz was the third dance. Hazard took the card next and wrote his name for the first. Ebersom then claimed Alice. Hazard chuckled and took Alice’s card and put his name on it for the waltz.

Olivia kept the same smile through it all. The orchestra finished whatever they were playing and then there was a cacophony of tuning instruments and scraping chairs. The master of the evening called the first dance. Hazard took her elbow.

“Come along, dear. You wanted to see Almack’s? Here it is.”

*

After the first set, a small crowd formed around Olivia. Several of her suitors tried nudging each other aside playfully. Her card was full in short order. Lord Carleton claimed the second set. Olivia wished he hadn’t. She could smell gin before he even opened his mouth.

Ebersom was waiting beside Jasper when the dance ended. Lord Carleton delivered her to them. Jasper’s Chosen One bowed and held out his arm.

He waltzed very well. So did she. He made sure to whirl her past Lady Jersey to receive her approving nod. He held her at the correct distance. His gloves were not sweaty. He wore a scent of bergamot and cloves. She wished she could like him. It would make things easier. She didn’t dislike him.

The problem was, she felt nothing.

She asked about Fred and Joe. About Cherrington. If he had a sister or brother. He answered with few words. She lapsed into a quiet smile, but her lips felt false. As though she had a bit in her mouth or had someone else’s lips glued to her face.

“W-what have you enjoyed most, b-being in London?” he asked, making the effort.

“Feeding the ducks.” The words slipped out, but the ridiculousness of her answer didn’t seem to register with him.

Over his shoulder, she caught a glimpse of Alice and Hazard. Alice was smiling into Hazard’s eyes. The two twirled. Hazard was laughing into hers.

Olivia blinked and looked again, but they had faded into the crowd. She must have imagined it. How happy they’d seemed.

*

When she walked into the morning room the next day, the family applauded.

“Another rousing success!” Vanessa said.

“Was it?” Olivia yawned.

Georgiana said, “Are you being run ragged? You needn’t say yes to everything—”

“Olivia? Run ragged?” Jasper laughed, a strange laugh that seemed to echo in his throat. “You are thinking of a different Olivia.”

Olivia took a piece of toast and a cup of tea. She was a different Olivia. This morning, she’d barely dragged herself out of bed. She wished she could go back to it.

Reg stepped to the buffet and nudged her shoulder. “Are you feeling all right?”

“Yes, fine.”

She took her food to the table and sat. She sipped her tea, but the toast did not appeal. She wished everyone would stop smiling at her. How was she a rousing success when she was desolate? She’d thought she could do this for Jasper, for the Taverstons, but faced with the reality of a lifetime with Ebersom, she didn’t think she could go through with it.

Benjamin stepped into the doorway. Olivia’s eyes moistened. He stopped, startled, and turned as if to go.