Page 97 of Waiting for Love

He could not think of a kinder couple than Reg and Georgiana.

“Splendid.” Not splendid at all. His respite was over. He stood up and dusted off his trousers. “I have some business in town.” He gave Hannah a pat. “Papa is going to work now, but you are going to play with baby Arthur.”

Hannah pushed his hand from her head, unconcerned. He almost rather wished she would throw a tantrum and give him an excuse not to go.

*

It was drizzling as Benjamin left the employment agency. The rain stained the building’s gray stone front and churned up the stench of the gutters. As his boots clacked on the slick cobbles, he turned up the collar of his jacket against the wet. Utterly dejected.

The agent had suggested two positions he might apply for. The first was a low-level clerk in a bank, the second, as if the Fates were mocking him, inventory clerk in a merchant’s warehouse, the same position he’d held with the Hudson’s Bay Company. If he took either, his salary would be reduced to a tenth of what Jasper paid him. He would have to let Miss Jamison go. Who would care for Hannah? Where would they live? What would they eat?

Benjamin took off his hat, shook the water from it, and set it back on his head.

The previous night, when Olivia had untied his neckcloth, that was not just Olivia being silly. It was a dare. And he’d dared. Oh, he’d dared. For the thrill of a few stolen kisses, he’d risked throwing away Hannah’s future.

More than a few kisses. He appalled himself. But he could not stop replaying her willing responses in his mind’s eye and it stirred him. The true shock was that he’d been able to stop. He’d been maddened—maddened by desire and resentment and, yes, love, though it was not at all the way to show it.

How could he ever face her again? Worse, he could not run off to Chaumbers because he’d told Jasper he would stay.

Jasper was blind. They were all blind. Except, perhaps Hazard. That was dangerous. Benjamin knew he had to speak with Jasper before Hazard said something to open his eyes.

It always came back to this. Talking to Jasper. Which he was too cowardly to do.

Benjamin slouched away from the agency. Perhaps he could simply tell Jasper he had to resign because he found himself attracted to Olivia. Jasper might confuse him for someone honorable. He would give him a reference. After all, he was a good steward.

No. It was too late for half a confession. And a whole confession would see him out on the street, with no reference, unemployable, a greater failure than even his father had been.

*

Benjamin was damp to the bone. At least the paper-wrapped packet tucked under his arm was relatively dry. His new clothes. If not for the wretched things he would be safely back at Chaumbers and would not have nearly ruined the woman he loved.

He entered 8 Grosvenor Square and greeted Peters.

“Shall I take your hat, Mr. Carroll? There will be tea in the parlor in one hour. His lordship said to tell you if you were home on time.”

Home? Ha!

“Yes, thank you. I will go dry off first.”

He went to his apartments and stripped off his wet attire. He unwrapped his packet and shook out the shirt and jacket. Wrinkled, but it would have to do. He only had an hour.

There were four Taverstons in the parlor when he walked in: Jasper, Vanessa, Reg, and Georgiana. And a floral spray on the mantel that was practically the size of another person.

“Lythe,” Jasper said with distaste, noticing the direction of Benjamin’s gaze. “It came this morning. And then the duke arrived in his curricle to take Olivia riding. He didn’t announce himself and she slipped out without permission. And she is not back yet.” He scowled. “I am going to have to speak with him.”

Benjamin felt a wash of bitter amusement. He and Jasper had something in common: a cowardly tendency to postpone confrontation.

Where was everyone? The room felt only half full.

“No Hazard?” he asked. Perhaps that was for the better. Although he hoped there were no repercussions to yesterday’s scuffle.

“Invited. He said he would try to make it. And Mother is having tea with the Farnsbys.”

“Alice?”

Georgiana answered from her perch beside Vanessa on the davenport. “Her father arrived in town this afternoon. She will be having tea and supper with him and my parents.”

Right. Alice’s father was Georgiana’s uncle.