Page 75 of Yielding to Love

He was tired of being two or three or four different people, depending on the circumstance or the company he was in. He recalled his desire for consistency of self. He wanted to be himself. He was not a spy. He was a civilian, a gentleman, a Taverston, and he was going to live as one.

For a start, he’d hired himself a valet. The man was middle-aged and stodgy, which would not have been Crispin’s preference, but the applicant’s previous employer had died, and his only reference was the widow. He was unlikely to be hired elsewhere, and Crispin could not turn the poor fellow away. Gerald. To his pleased surprise, Gerald was proving enormously competent. Crispin’s boots had never sported so high a shine.

Early that morning, he went riding in Hyde Park on one of Jasper’s London mounts. A sleek gelding. He really did need more than one horse of his own. Perhaps in the afternoon, he would go to Tattersall’s and look over the stock.

As he returned to 8 Grosvenor Square, he saw a train of four carriages coming up the road, with Jasper and Reg riding alongside the first in line. Heart swelling with gladness, he trotted the gelding up to greet them.

In the drive, they all dismounted and embraced. It was impossible to miss the relief intermixed with his brothers’ joy.

In another moment, a horde of Taverstons spilled from the carriages. The first to reach him was little Hannah, who must be four now; or could she be five?

“Major! Major! I have a pony!” she exclaimed, dancing about his knees.

He swooped her up and spun her, her braids whipping around. “Where? What is his name?”

“Duke!”

Benjamin and Olivia followed on her heels. Benjamin said, “Have you anything else to tell the major?”

Crispin set her down and grinned. In Olivia’s arms, wrapped in a light blanket, was the newest Taverston.

“I have a brother!” Hannah shouted.

“Oh, fine, fine,” Crispin said. “I’m glad to see you have your priorities straight.” He shook Benjamin’s hand, and gave his sister a sideways hug so as not to crush the baby. “Who have we here?”

Olivia grinned at him and said, “This is Christopher.”

His heart gave a hitch. “May I?” He held out his arms.

“Just don’t spin him the way you did Hannah. His head will fall off.”

He laughed and took the bundle. The baby yawned without waking. Gazing at the perfect round head and pink mouth, his heart softened. He’d been nine years old when his mother had placed baby Olivia in his arms. Now, he felt the same drowning surge of love he’d felt then.

“He’s tiny.”

“He’s not even four weeks old.”

Ah. That was what took them so long. A very forgivable delay.

However, the little creature started squirming and his eyes popped open. Crispin handed his near-namesake quickly back to Olivia. Then he turned to Reg and Georgiana, who had two babies to present. Reg had taken Arthur from a nursemaid. The fellow was gigantic compared to how he had been when Crispin had first met him. Georgiana held Randolph. Crispin smoothed his hand over one nephew’s head, then the other.

“Good show, Georgiana,” he said, wondering if Jasper would now hound him to have that embarrassing talk with Reg about French letters.

Then he embraced Vanessa. As he was doing so, she whispered to him, “I am here if you need to…to talk.”

Alone among the other Taverstons, Vanessa truly understood war. She had followed the drum on the peninsula and had fled the French army while retreating pell-mell to Corunna. She’d lost her first husband there. She would read the published accounts and understand. But even she could not know. Not Waterloo.

“I might,” Crispin whispered back. “Thank you.” But he didn’t want to burden her. She was surrounded by baby Taverstons. None of them were hers and Jasper’s. He added, “I can listen, too.”

She nodded and stepped back, so that Crispin’s mother could approach.

Mother put her hands on his shoulders and studied him. “Will we go through this again, Crispin?”

He shook his head. “I’ve resigned my commission.”

Tears sprang to her eyes. “Thank God.”

He hugged her tight, then released her. He glanced around, feeling empty armed, as he scanned his burgeoning family. Someone was missing. He tried to tell himself it was Hazard and Alice, but it was not. Surrounded by his loved ones, he was nevertheless alone.