Page 27 of Devil Within

The microwave dinged, and she took out a mug that had a tea tab hanging down the side. Then she started dunking and moving the teabag around in the hot water.

“Vaginas aside,” she drawled, sitting at the table. “How’s work going?”

“I love it,” Shiloh replied softly. “I’ve been transforming the front of the store. Before, it was barren. Like uncomfortable plastic chairs to sit on. Design pics were haphazardly taped to the walls. No refreshments for customers who could be there for hours waiting. Sometimes the people getting the big tattoos needed a break, and we had nothing to offer. Soda, water, coffee. Nothing.”

“How are you transforming it?”

“Jade allowed me to buy furniture so I got comfy chairs that won’t make your butt go numb. I rearranged the designs and put them in frames. I added a snack bar. I even put plug-in air fresheners in the bathroom.”

“You have to use the unisex bathroom?”

“Yes, and do you know how awful it smells when a man shits out his Mexican buffet from the day before? It’s toxic. Breathe it in, and you die.”

Vette giggled. “I’m around animal poop all day. I sympathize.”

“I know we haven’t spent a lot of time together. I just want you to know that I’m forever grateful to you. And I love you.”

Vette grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “I love you, too. Time is overrated. Right now, we’re two career women trying to make a difference. We’re family, Shi, and nothing can change that. What counts is knowing we’ll always be there for one another.”

Shiloh nodded, a little choked up. Whatever good deed she did to get such a wonderful friend, she thanked her lucky stars.

“Oh,” she added. “By the way, I’m spending tomorrow night with Jade.”

Vette gave her sly grin. “Have lots of fun, yet safe, sex.”

****

Her hands shook as the hours counted down until the time Jade had said he’d pick her up. All she could think about was what was to happen that night. Would he take the lead or would he expect her to? Could she do that?

He made sure I was okay with the kiss, so would he wait for her to initiate the moment?

How the hell was she supposed to take that first step?

Tumbling thoughts in her head had terror threatening to hijack her body. The fight or flight response was settling in quick, and it was still daylight. So many questions led to so much panic. It took all her strength to breathe deeply, like the YouTube videos suggested. Life never taught a person how to handle emotional upheaval.

What if he saw the real her?

What if he saw her scars?

What if she couldn’t go through with it?

What if he turned out to be just like her stepdad?

That last question broke through the cracking ice, leaving her unable to contain her tears. She ran to the bathroom and slammed the door shut just as the tears fell. Slapping her hand over her mouth was her only defense line for muffling her damaged psyche.

Not now. Not now. Not now!

Crying never solved anything. It wasn’t a time machine. It wasn’t a do-over. There was no going back, only forward. Tears created a crack in order for her other emotions to seep from, to strip her soul bare.

If she cried, the monster won.

It took a few minutes to calm down. To rein in the tumultuous storm. Deep breath in, let out slowly. Rinse. Repeat. That became her mantra, lending her strength so she could rebuild the ice. Freeze out all the pain and shield her mind once more. The past was dead and buried, and she had no desire to awaken the zombie. Washing her face, she took a deep breath and let the cold water finish mortaring her walls. Then she straightened and left the bathroom. In control once more.

As soon as she opened the door, her phone beeped. It was Jade, telling her he was outside. As soon as he saw her, a frown pulled at the space between his eyes. The artist in him missed nothing as he studied her face.

“You okay?”

“Yep. Perfectly fine.”