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“Dad!” Annie screeched. “I do not sound like that!”
My dad winced. “For the love of God, tell your sister why you’re currently showing homicidal tendencies toward your dinner before my eardrums burst.”
“Fine.” I slammed my hands down onto the table. “I hate Reed. I mean, I really, really hate him. “
“Everyone hates weeds, Lo.”
“Not weeds, Dad,” I corrected with a sigh. “Reed. He’s an actual person, not vegetation. Reed Luca. He is trying to ruin my life.”
Annie’s brow furrowed. “Wait…is this that guy who posted the YouTube video about your column?”
My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. “You saw that?”
“Pretty sure everyone saw that,” she retorted. “It has, like, ten million views.”
“It has ten million views now?” Now it was my turn to screech, and the fact that my dad was covering his ears proved I was doing it effectively.
“It was up to twelve million when I watched it,” Brian added.
“Are you talking about that video with the handsome boy who doesn’t like Lola’s column?” my mother asked before tsking, “Though, that smoking is an awful habit.”
“Yep,” Annie kindly answered to keep this topic of conversation going.
Seriously, sometimes sisters were a huge pain in the ass.
“Oh, when I watched it on your dad’s laptop, it was up to fifteen million views,” my mom said with a smile. “I can’t believe my little Lola is so popular that she’s getting videos made about her.”
“Mom,” I said through gritted teeth. “He wasn’t saying nice things about me in his video.”
“I’ll be honest,” she responded, and her cheeks started to flush pink. “I had a hard time focusing on what that boy was saying. His eyes are just so…blue.”
My eyes narrowed. “Are you blushing?”
“No.” She waved me off with her hand. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Oh my God, Mom!” I exclaimed and promptly removed my butter knife from my chicken and pointed it in her direction. “You’re blushing! Over a guy who posted a YouTube video about how much he hates my column.”
“Well…he’s really handsome, sweetie. Maybe you should try to go out with him. Some of the best love stories start off with the two people not liking each other.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mom, You’ve Got Mail doesn’t count. It’s a movie. One that you’ve seen no less than one hundred times.”
It needs to be noted now that my mother, Deb Sexton, has a habit of acting like her favorite romantic comedies are real-life love stories.
If she ever tells you about a story that sounds a lot like The Notebook, it is actually just her telling you about The Notebook.
As much as she wishes she knew Noah and Allie, she doesn’t.
“I just love that Tom Hanks so much,” my mother announced on a dreamy sigh.
“He’s on your mom’s list,” my dad added, far too comfortable with the idea of my mom having a list.
Annie’s head tilted to the side in confusion. “Wait…What list?”
I couldn’t stop the huge smile that had taken up residence on my face if I tried. My sister had officially just redirected the conversation toward a topic she would soon regret.
“Her list of famous people she can have s-e-x with if she ever meets them,” my dad answered with ease.
“What?” Annie shrieked.
He nodded proudly. “I have a list, too.”
“Stop!” Annie shouted and covered both of her ears with her hands. “Please, stop before I vomit.”
“Who else is on your list, Mom?” I asked sweetly, and Annie discreetly flipped me the middle finger. This was like killing two birds with one stone. It was the perfect opportunity to keep the topic of conversation far away from Reed Luca while allowing me to torture Annie.
“Umm…Leonardo DeCapricorn and Benedict Cumbersome.”
I hoped to God my mom actually learned these guys’ names before she got to bone them.
“Don’t forget Hugh Bradford,” my dad chimed in.
“Oh, yeah!” Deb clapped her hands excitedly. “Hugh Bradford is on that list, too.”
Annie’s face scrunched up. It was equal parts confusion and disgust. “Hugh Bradford is the butcher on Market Street, Mom.”
“I know,” she said with a far too happy smile. “He’s a very famous butcher, Annie. Everyone in San Francisco loves him.”
“But you actually know him, Mom. Like, you know him. You buy meat from him. Weekly.” The vein in Annie’s forehead had made its first appearance of the night, which meant she was about two seconds away from spontaneous combustion or stroking out from mortification.
“I know.” My mother waggled her eyebrows, and my father just chuckled in amusement.
Holy hell, had my parents just insinuated they’re swingers?
“Oh. My. God,” Annie groaned. “Someone change the subject before I pass out from discomfort.”
“You’re thinking exactly what I’m thinking aren’t you, Annie Bananie?” I asked, my expression morphing into glee.
“Don’t say it,” she said through gritted teeth.
My grin grew wider. “Mom…Dad…do you guys like to swing?”
My mom just winked in response.
“I love to swing!” Emma exclaimed.
“Me too!” Lucy added. “Mommy, can we swing like Grandma and Grandpa?”
“Yeah…okay…” Annie got up from the table. “I’m finished.”
“Can I get up from the table, too, Daddy?” Henry asked.
“You have to get the president’s approval to leave the dinner table before everyone is finished eating, buddy.”
Henry’s face fell into disappointment. “But Mommy got up.”
“Annie, did you get the president—” Brian started to ask but was quickly cut off by my sister pointing a finger in his direction.
“Don’t even say it, or I will murder you in your sleep,” she whispered.
Brian just laughed it off.
“So, Lola,” my dad started, “was it just the video that ticked you off or something else?”
Ugh. And here I thought I had managed to avoid this topic entirely.
Of course, Annie’s ears perked up, and she found her way back to her seat. I swear, Nosy Nancy could hear better than most canines.
“Well…” I paused on a sigh. “Reed Luca has accepted a position with the San Francisco Journal. He’ll be writing an opposing column to mine.”
Annie’s jaw nearly hit the table. “What a di—not nice guy.”
“Oh, believe me, it gets worse,” I responded in annoyance. “He decided to hand-deliver this week’s opposing column to my doorstep today.”
Her mouth popped open in surprise. “He showed up at your apartment?”
“Yep.”
“Is he a psychopath?” Annie asked with narrowed eyes. She was just as pissed off about this as I was. I guess sisters weren’t always a pain in the ass.
My mother tsked. “There’s no way a man with those blue eyes could be a psychopath.”
“Mom!” I groaned. “Could you forget about your little fangirl crush for just a second to do the normal supportive thing and say bad things about Reed Luca with me? I mean, you’re my mother. You should be raking his name through the mud to show your support.”
I couldn’t deny the man had the most intense, striking eyes I’d ever seen. Hell, if I never had to hear him babble existential bullshit, I’d consider keeping him around just to lose myself in them.
But that was beside the point. Beautiful blue eyes, sexy smile, perfect hair, kissable lips…they were inconsequential when their owner was a certified asshole.
“Do I need to kill him?” my father asked, like it was the most normal thing in the world to discuss murder.
“Uh…I think that might be a little overboard,” I refuted. “But…if you’ve got any ideas on how to make him disappear that doesn’t involve homicide, I’m all ears.”
“Well…there’s kidnapping and sending him to a remote island.”
“Harry,” my mother voiced her disapproval regarding illegal kidnappings.
My dad flashed a knowing look in her direction. “Oh, like you wouldn’t be asking me to drop you off with him.”
“Eww, Dad,” Annie chastised.
“Don’t get pissed at me. Your mother’s the pervert, not me.”
My mother grinned. “I’d prefer to use the term cougar.”
Annie rested both elbows on the table and put her head in her hands. “Oh my God, Mom. You’re not a cougar.”
“Your father is two years younger than me.”
“That doesn’t count,” my sister muttered into her palms.
“Counts in my book, Deb.” My father winked. “You’ll always be a sexy cougar in my eyes.”
“Can we get back to me?” I questioned in frustration. “I mean, you should all be bashing Reed right now. That’s what a good family would do.”
“Oh, right. Sorry, sweetheart,” my dad apologized. “If you want me to kill that little prick, I’ll kill him. And I’m sure his column will be a shitheap of nonsense compared to yours.”
