Page 87 of Then We Shatter

“Explain your plans,” I say, then remember what he’d said earlier. “Why didn’t you kill Vasili in his bed?”

“Sasha.”

It doesn’t take me completely by surprise to hear my sestra’s name on his lips. I’d worked out they must be working together. Sasha wouldn’t let me jump off a cliff without knowing there was someone there to catch me. How they got together in the first place is what intrigues me.

“How did you manage to join forces?”

“We swapped a few cryptic messages, trying to figure out who we each were and if we could trust each other.” He quirks an eyebrow at me. “I figured the only person who’d know I fucked you with two cocks would be your sestra. You told her that?”

I press my lips together to suppress the smirk. “It was a significant moment in my life. That’s when I finally allowed myself to fall in love with you.”

Killian grabs more sterile wipes to clean the cuts to my hands. He’s gentle, almost reverent. “I fell in love with you the moment I saw you slice through Oleg’s neck. Why else do you think I’d drop to my knees and crawl to you? I remember thinking to myself, that’s the woman I’m going to marry.”

“You think you’re going to marry me?” I ask, ignoring the way my stomach flips. “Do you know how many have tried and failed?”

“Don’t care. I’m going to be the one who succeeds.”

I scoff. “If you say so. Now, carry on. Tell me about your plans.”

“I’m open to suggestions, but I was thinking a wedding on the beach with–”

“Killian,” I say in a low, warning tone. I’m not ready to rush towards our happily ever after. Maybe I’m still not convinced we’re fated to have one. “I meant tell me about killing Vasili.”

He opens a tub of Vaseline and smears it over my cleaned wounds. “My preferred option had been to go on a rampage and slaughter every scumbag keeping you trapped on this island, but Sasha didn’t want me to attack while she’s here.”

“It would have looked suspicious if she survived. Not when everyone in the Bratva knows how much I want to kill her.”

“Exactly what she said,” Killian agrees. “I had a mind to take my chances anyway, but without her help disabling Eric’s security…”

“You would have been dead before you got to me. Again.” I know I keep coming back to it, but it’s hard to let go of my grief when I’ve been drowning in it for the last two months.

Killian flinches at the catch in my voice and stands up. “My sweet, sweet Kitty,” he whispers. “I hate that I put you through so much pain. I’m so fucking sorry it had to be this way. If I could’ve–”

“I was disgustingly heartbroken,” I confess, cutting him off before we get lost in regrets. “But if anything, it was nice to find out I do, in fact, have a heart to break.”

He kisses my hand. “A heart that belongs to me.”

“Then treat it more gently,” I warn. Before his kisses can distract us, I pull away. “Tell me what Sasha has planned.”

“Well, before you fucked everything up with your own escape plan, I was going to shoot down Vasili’s helicopter when he headed home after the wedding. With him dead, Grigor would hurry back to Russia with Sasha to break the news of their pakhan’s death,” he explains. “She was going to leave a backdoor for me to break into Blackwater Rock’s security, then I’d just have Eric to deal with when I came to get you.” His features twist when he adds, “The obvious flaw was that you’d be married by then, but Sasha was going to spike Eric’s drink so he couldn’t perform on his wedding night. Apparently, she does the same to Grigor.”

I press my palm to Killian’s cheek. “If Sasha had told me what your plan was, if I’d known you were alive, I would have happily gone along with it, but we never had a minute alone. Are you in contact with her now?”

“In a fashion,” he says, pulling a face.

“Could we find out what’s happening up there?”

“I was using a two-way radio to contact her, but Sasha was going to destroy hers. She didn’t want to risk Eric’s men finding it while they try to figure out how their security was breached. Don’t worry about it for now. I have other means of contacting her once we’re back on the boat.”

It’s like the fractured pieces of my life are being knitted back into something that unnervingly feels complete. “I’m glad you’re working together.”

“Me too, lovely,” he says. “And thank fuck Sasha worked out the crazy stunt you were planning. You wouldn’t have cleared the rocks by jumping alone.”

“I was willing to escape one way or another,” I’m forced to finally admit. “I didn’t think I had anything left to live for.” Killian holds my gaze as I stretch my fingers to the scar on the side of his head. I’ve also noticed how his left eye droops ever so slightly. His mouth too. “How did you make so many people think you’d died?”

“Because I did. Once or twice. Cardiac arrest. Mini stroke,” he says quickly, attempting to gloss over how critical his condition had been. “All minor stuff. But my dick still works.”

When I go to take a breath, there’s no air in our little sanctuary. “I lost you.” I’d felt it that night, and I wasn’t wrong. “For two months, I had a taste of what life was like without you. I don’t…” It’s painful to swallow and I’m too weak to fight the tears coursing down my cheeks. “I don’t deserve to have you back.”