Page 16 of XOXO

“No, I’m up,” he said, sounding like he was moving. “What’s going on? Isn’t it almost five in the morning there?”

“Yeah, I’m walking home,” I said, crossing a street.

“Damn, the walk of shame,” he said, amusement in his tone. “Aren’t you a little too old for that?”

“Fuck you.” I laughed. “There’s no shame in this walk. I proudly strut my way home.”

“At this hour? Seems like you snuck out. Was it that bad?” Ruwon’s voice was rough from sleep.

“It was fine. I just couldn’t sleep,” I said, knowing it was bullshit.

I was waiting for Levi to text me something or ask me where I was.

Ruwon chuckled, “Why didn’t you take them back to the condo? Is that not the cool thing to do anymore?”

Levi always got weird when I brought someone home. I didn’t enjoy making him uncomfortable, and it was easier to leave than kick someone out.

“Levi brought someone home last night,” I said instead, hoping this opened the conversation I really wanted to have.

“Levi is dating someone?” Ruwon sounded surprised. “Since when?”

“He started using his app,” I grumbled. “He went out on a date yesterday and when I came home, I heard them in his room.”

“Well, good for him,” Ruwon yawned. “He needs to get out more.”

“Yeah, but⁠—”

“Are you mad he’s putting himself out there?” He cut me off. “We’ve always wanted him to get out more and date. So, what’s wrong with him doing it now?”

“No, of course not. I just—” I didn’t know what to say now that he pointed out I was being dumb. “He’s been pulling away the last six months.”

“Is that why it’s bothering you?” he asked.

Was that it? Lately I didn’t know how I felt about us, but the change that was happening was making me upset.

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “Him dating just makes me worry that he’s doing it for the wrong reasons.”

Ruwon exhaled loudly as he thought. We stayed on the phone in silence; it was comforting and while I was hoping he would put me at ease, he would never say anything rash or without thinking it through. The past nineteen months without Ruwon had been brutal, and maybe it’s why Levi and I were out of sorts. We needed Ruwon to balance us out.

“Are you feeling left out? Or maybe lonely?” he asked softly. “I think you’re feeling left out now that he’s doing something out of the ordinary for him. You're used to him always being home and not out.”

I grimaced, hating that Ruwon knew me so well.

“That was fucking rude,” I replied.

“I know, hyeong,” he chuckled.

He called me older brother in Korean.

“You need to hear it,” he said. “Maybe you need to give him space? For all you know this is just a one-time thing, but don’t ruin it for him. Unless you’re jealous for different reasons?”

I grumbled, that was not the answer I wanted to hear, and what other reason would I be jealous for?

“Levi is a big boy,” he continued. “Let him have fun and if something bad happens just be there for him. We will be there for him, but don’t ruin his fun. Levi needs this.”

I pursed my lips hating his logical answer.

Ruwon chuckled. “Are you pouting, hyeong?”