Page 41 of The Death of Kisses

I didn’t hesitate. I was tired of living like the perfect daughter, the model citizen and I gripped Charlie’s hand in mine, clinging to her as I spoke, “Yeah, Charlie’s my girlfriend.”

Charlie’s eyes lit up with pride. She pulled our joined hands to her lips and kissed mine, “catch you later beauty, I’ve got to go to the main office and clear up my absence.”

Savannah turned towards me a large smile across her face, acceptance was all I saw. I was glad, proud even.

“Well good for you babes, it’s about time you go out with someone who treats you right,” she hugged me and then rushed off toward a row of cars that just pulled into the parking lot. I walked towards the school still full of amazement.

Charlie caught me before first period leaning in close and slipping a note into my hand, when she didn’t head in I looked at her strangely but she pointed to the note.

I’m not skipping. I’ll see you after lunch.

I watched her walk down the halls towards the office once more as the bell rang.

I missed most of the history lesson from the overall tiredness and worry. Charlie didn’t show up for lunch. I spent most of the break watching, waiting.

Coach canceled cheer practice. I reached for my phone to call Savannah.

“Need a ride?”

I turned.

Charlie stood beside her bike, helmet dangling from one hand, smiling like she’d known exactly where I’d be.

29

MENTALLY INSANE

3 months ago - July 12th - Town of Coldwater - Population 1,249 - 18 yr old

“Charlotte I swear I am fine, I don’t need you to visit me every day. I’m not leaving you. I jus–” I sighed into the phone. What do I even say to her “hey so my dad was raping me and I tried to commit suicide because I miss him?” Yeah that totally works for your best friend. Fuck how am I going to survive this shithole if I can’t even lie to my best friend.

“Lil, I don’t care. I love you, you're my best friend. I am going to be there to hold your hand regardless, okay?” she pleaded on the phone with that voice she always used, the one that sounded like you gave a toddler a toy and then took it away.

“Fine, but not today. I’m not feeling well.” I gave in, like I always did.

“Tomorrow, I’ll be there after school–” she paused as if to consider saying something about how everyone missed me but it wasn’t true. They loved Charlotte but they always pitied me. “I’ll see you then bug. Lee will drop me off tomorrow,” I barely registered that she’d hung up the phone.

My mind caught on the nickname, bug. I slid against the wall and the cord of the community phone dropped swinging from the weight.

Tears pricked my eyes as I put my head between my knees.

Now you be a good little bug, I’ll take care of you. It was the last thing he said before he died… dad. Why did you leave me? They didn’t tell me who shot him, the trial was set for sometime next week and I wasn’t allowed to attend. They didn’t need another crazy girl committing suicide for the jury. It wasn’t about me. It was about dad, and the killer. I should have been grateful they saved me pain, but all I felt was a deep longing for the man who raised me. Maybe I was broken.

Black boots with heavy grey dirt came into view, it was odd. The nurses here all wore white shoes. Did they mix my meds again? I looked up as his tattooed hand hung up the phone. His dark locks falling into his face. A gleam in his eye made him look like a deranged doctor.

“Wha–” I started but he put his finger to his lips.

“Shhh,” he jerked his head to the door as a “follow me” and I grinned, swiping the tears away from my face as he looked around at the other patients in the area before walking out the set of doors.

I straightened the sweats they’d given me and fixed the socks I had and walked out the door a moment later after I saw nurse Hazel was busy with Tommy, this 17 year old who’d been non-verbal for months. My cell mate, excuse me roommate, gave me a thumbs up winking at me as I pushed through the door.

As soon as I was out of the door a hand wrapped around my mouth pulling my body to his, I almost screamed before I realized it was Lee. He murmured against my ear, “damn what’s a guy have to do to see his girl?”

He kissed my temple and I turned around to face him. He looked like he robbed one of the shorter guy’s scrubs by the way they fit. Everything was too tight, too small and yet he wore them proudly.

“What are you doing here?” I beat his chest without any real effort as I scolded him.

“I’m visiting you of course,” he pulled down his mask revealing that boyish grin. I smiled, feeling the first signs of normal I’d felt in ages. Something about the way Lee always had a joke to go around made me smile, like I was breathing for the first time after years of drowning.