Page 43 of Where We Belong

a reason to seek the better me,

and cast old habits away.

The aroma of rice and fried vegetables drifts through the air. Cook and his chefs are starting on dinner, but we will not be dining here tonight. Much to my dismay, Eira’s plan to tour the city with Agni has taken precedence. Along with hundreds of Volker and every Lieutenant accompanying us. What an interesting use of the palace resources. I would never be so wasteful. We must be more careful with our soldiers now. I have signed more pyre certificates this week than I care to count — most of them for remains. The Seas Above are taking them faster than we can replace them.

My uncle, of course, sees it differently, and he sent us off with nothing more than a pressing request for Spark Cake from his favourite vendor. Perhaps this will serve, briefly, to pull my thoughts from the weight pressing in on all sides.

Upon the King’s return, he reported that Cinder Cliffs remain unmoved. They are holding fast to their terms. If Agni wishes to know the full nature of the ritual, she must retrieve the knowledge herself with only Kaed to accompany her. The King is uneasy about sending them in, and I cannot fault him for that; the journey alone is treacherous. Yet, his hesitation carries its own risks. If word reaches the other territories that we have made no progress, either on Agni’s willingness to complete the ritual or on the timeline itself, it will be interpreted as purposeful delay. And in matters of power, perception is often more dangerous than truth.

I straighten my collar, recalling Eira’s dramatic entrance this morning, letting me know Agni had agreed to the tour. She burst into my quarters without warning, just as I was pulling on my pants. Her eyes widened and she spun around quickly to face the door. Her words came tumbling out nonetheless. I cannot help but smile at the memory. Ah, if life had been different, if I had not acted on emotion, then perhaps I would be happy.

My infatuation started in school. Sometimes I tried to make flame bugs to impress her. Sparks that fluttered around her head like fireflies. Most of them burned her braids accidentally, but she still applauded like it was the best thing she had ever seen. She had the real gift of craftsmanship though, her hands were capable of making beauty. It was no surprise when my uncle brought her in as part of his court after graduation. But life has a way of hardening the soft places. The day my mother died, all flesh in me turned to stone. That night, I crept to the basin, slitting my arm with a ceremonial dagger as an offering, vowing to the gods that I would never perform the bonding ceremony. I had begged them. Take it right from my soul. They did. Perhaps taking some of my soul with it. I recall the tears in Eira’s eyes when I told her. She would not say it, but I knew she did not, could not understand. How could I explain that it was for her sake as much as mine? If I let her close, if she tied herself to me, I would wreck her. The crown, power, love, they ruin everything.

A giggle catches my attention. Agni and Eira link arms, flanked by countless Volker, their blasted Captain and his lieutenants. Eira’s hair is unbound, thick and dark, flowing down to her hips, my favourite. Her strapless white dress spills like water around her feet. The almost sheer fabric clings to her glistening skin in a way that makes my throat tighten. My eyes betray me, trailing from the curve of her chest down to the soft slope of her hips before I yank them away with all the will I can muster. My half-sister now has a fairly clean face and neck, and a faint grin on her face. It fades quickly when she sees me. “Agni,” I greet with a polite smile. The perfect way to remove an erection. “Lovely to see you.” It is not. But the King’s voice sounds in my head. One spark of kindness can light more than one path. One spark may be all I have in me this day. Agni repeats my words but in a strange nasally tone, I am unsure if she is using sarcasm. Logic tells me she must be.

Eira sticks her tongue out playfully as they go by. Her smile as radiant as ever, beauty unbearable. I am more than happy to let her walk ahead so I can release a little of my self-control, allowing my eyes to wander.

Though life has been peaceful with Agni out of my mother’s quarters and into the barracks, it appears she has stolen my friends, and that is rather irritating. Numerous times over the last month, I have entered the kitchen at night expecting to see Eira and Cook but have been told by a servant they are in out in the Volker compound. Of course, I could go, I own the place, but I need not begin a friendship with someone about to die. No matter how strong they make her, it will take her strength. Her life. Just like she took my father’s. They call it karma in The Above, if I recall correctly.

The city square explodes with life. Multicoloured lanterns shaped like molten glass teardrops line the cobblestone walkways. Sconces flare in time with street performers breathing frost that curls from their lips forming glittering snowflakes. Children laugh and chase them, darting between the vendors, shouting over each other. Their stalls overflow with honeyed lava bread and skewers of meats. Eira buys something fluffy and steaming, pressing it into Agnis’s hand. “Try this,” she grins. “Just one bite, please! It’s my favourite.” She pinches a small amount into her mouth and squeezes her eyes shut. Eira laughs and pulls her to another stall. The public acknowledges us as we pass. Some step aside politely; others give Agni a wider berth than necessary. The respect is evident until a cloaked figure leans in and whispers something in her ear. “What kind of bargain?” She asks. I step between them before the male can answer. “Be on your way.” He lowers his head and disappears into the crowd. Agni frowns. “What’s the problem?”

“You of all people cannot be seen making bargains.”

“I wasn’t, I was just—?”

“It is about how it looks. Bargains are dangerous. Not to mention illegal for our bloodline.”

“What’s the fun in that? I love a good bargain.” She snorts, as if she made a joke.

“Not everything has to be fun. Goodness me, you are incredibly self-absorbed.” I say sharply. “The basin exists because of a bargain.”

Her curiosity finally wins as she falls into step beside me.

“Feye offered his life, and the life of his Queen,” I continue, “they would be trapped in the basin so long as his people would be freed.”

“What’s the problem? It sounds a lot like the sacrifice you’re all expecting of me.”

“Because they never specified when that freedom would come. During the meeting, Feye’s son used his mind magic and searched the mind of the God of the Future. He wrote down what he saw in The Creed. He saw the trick, that they would all be dead long before freedom arrived.” Agni studies me as I continue. “But it was too late. The bargain had already been made. And Future God had bestowed the Black Flame somewhere in our lineage. That is where you come in. And that is why you cannot make any bargains.”

A Pyreling flashes past my nose, singeing the tips of my eyelashes. I brush at my face, only to feel a ripple of satisfaction when the same thing happens to Nykholas. He yelps, stumbling sideways into Tobian, who pushes him off with a muttered, “Get a grip.” Grey eyes flat with irritation. Kaed’s laughter booms, though his gaze is firmly fixed on his betrothed. Agni stalks ahead, her face lit by the deep orange glow of the Eternal Flame, a colossal bonfire contained in a spiralling cage. It licks towards the sky, where mermaids and water sprites watch the people dancing to stringed melodies. Likely plotting their next kill. I catch a glimmer beneath Agni’s sleeve before she quickly crosses her arms, though she needn’t bother. I do not care what she is hiding.

Eira takes my outstretched hand, and I pull her in so close that all I can see are her deep eyes and button nose. I place a dandy flower behind her ear, plucked from a florist’s cart. She lets out a startled giggle when I whisk her into the crowd. I laugh. The feeling always catches me off guard, like my own mind cannot decipher the sound. We are spinning and losing time to the music, and at some point, I glance over to see Agni dancing slowly with Kaed. He breathes a puff of black smoke into the air. It takes the form of some kind of moth and flutters onto her wrist. Nykholas twirls Lili beside them. Tobian and Leander stand nearby, talking and smiling. Their eyes still scanning the surroundings with the rest of the Volker, on alert for trouble. And I am sure trouble will come. Very soon. But right now, I have this moment. I have her. My Eira.

Chapter 41

Ashley

Before I could take her hand and her life,

I had to be worthy of both,

Last week, Aiden sat across from me in our uncle’s chariot. His brown tunic was gorgeous against his golden skin. It hugged his body, showing off the muscles across his arms and chest. For the first time, I realised how handsome he is. Not in the heart-melting way like Kaed or Nyk. He’s got a sharpness to him. He caught me staring and gave a big blink and a smile that looked almost painful. I didn’t want to return it but I’m not wicked. So, I did. Eira looked stunning. I hadn’t seen her out of pyjamas or uniform before that, but with her hair flowing and dress glowing against her dark skin, I see what all the fuss is about. Seeing her stirred something in me, not jealousy per se, but a longing. To feel beautiful again. To be myself, or at least, the version of me that’s trying to break through my cycles. The old, clumsy girl who pitied herself and dodged responsibility is currently packing her bags. Slowly and reluctantly, but still packing. Dancing with Kaed was nice. Very nice, actually. I wonder if it’s the bond trying to ignite. Sometimes I catch myself staring at his soft lips and have to stop myself before I lean in to kiss him. I don’t want to start that process, at all. At one point, I was twirled into Nyk’s arms as we all swapped partners. That was nice too, even if he kept glancing over my shoulder, his blazing eyes wandering over to Eira and Aiden.

I smacked his chest lightly. “The chosen one is in front of you, and you’re looking over there?” He laughed loudly. “Sorry, Saviour. It won’t happen again.” Then I was spun back into Kaed’s solid grip, and I let myself melt into him, just for a while. Aiden’s words from that day have been playing on my mind a little. Maybe he’s right, and I am too self-absorbed. Then came the news about Theron’s execution date. I’ve wrestled with his choices, trying to work out if doing something bad for what you think is a worthy cause ever balances out. And yeah, every time I think of what Kaed went through, my blood lights up. But in the end, we’re all fighting for the same thing; the rebels are just misguided. And why should Theron care about my life? Greater good and all that. The one time I said as much to Kaed over breakfast, I got scolded like a toddler and overheard him muttering promises to skin Theron alive.

I sit on the edge of the bath, my fingers trailing through the warm water that sloshes at my feet. The tears and memories had come, but less than before. Progress, I suppose. I try to strip off my top, leggings, and socks, which I’m pretty sure are now embedded in my skin, but my arms won’t do it. So, I sit there, lightly splashing, watching the ripples. When I finally come out, I smile down at my clean, wet feet and the plate of fire grapes Cook left for me. I pop three into my mouth, savouring the burst of sweet and spicy juice. I can’t help but think this would make such a good drink. Speaking of drinks. My uncle came and personally took the bottle I charmed off one of the vendors. I’m pretty sure my brother snitched. My uncle asked if I stole it, and I said no. Apparently, using my title to get stuff is basically the same thing. But if I’m expected to save an entire civilisation, the least they could offer is compensation. He said it would probably make me sick anyway, and that I should be thanking my brother instead of threatening to punch him in his throat. I can’t believe I got told off at thirty-one years old.

The towel tickles my toes, and I revel in my day off while looking out into the pit. Every morning before my training, the Captain and Lieutenants train with their soldiers. Kaed is hypnotic. He uses his weird sword like it’s an extension of his hand, facing off against four, five, sometimes nine Volker at once. He sports a cocky, dimpled smile the whole time, leaving them panting and disarmed. Yesterday, Eira had been explaining the mechanics of a new axe to him, his freshly buzzed hair was gorgeous, the simple black of his fitted jacket and trousers revealed toned, firm muscles I didn’t even know existed. Around here, beauty is common, but this male and his smouldering, honey-glazed eyes are something else entirely. God, where is Raph when I need him? Somehow, the day has slipped away from me. I’m lost in my thoughts, reading a purring history book, Glory of the Below, that my uncle had brought me when he took my fun away. An awful swap if you ask me, but it’s pretty good. It’s an account about the first few years in Sheyole, how the leaders of Ember Court first fell in love with the land. Then, something catches my eye. An angry shadow hurries past my window. It’s none of your business, Ashley. Keep reading. But the gnawing sensation only grows. Nosiness and boredom for the win. Slipping out of my bungalow, I follow the shadow towards an old, wooden shed on the outskirts of the grounds. The voices are coming from behind it, well out of earshot from anyone else. I stop short, straining to hear.