Page 53 of Where We Belong

He groans and drops his head into his hands. “But tell me I’m the handsomest,” he says from behind his fingers. There it is. That giggle he always pulls from me.

“I don’t know... I can’t see you,” I tease.

Kaed’s knees hit the floor and he props himself up on his elbows, yanking down the edge of my mattress to make his face level with mine. His hands cup his cheeks, bottom lip poked out like a sulking toddler.

“Right. Let me inspect,” I say, biting my lip to mask a smile. I’m taking full advantage of this. My stomach flutters when his striking eyes lock into mine. The same colour as the sweetest, stickiest toffee, framed by long, dark lashes. I run my hands over his buzzed hair. It tickles my palm. Slowly, I stroke the goosebumps trailing his neck, pausing my knuckle over his thundering pulse. Then, his rough stubble brushes my fingertips as I turn his face from left to right. “Lovely hair, soft. Could be longer though, this buzzcut’s getting tired. Strong jaw, pretty lips.” My thumb pulls his bottom lip down slightly. “Smile for me.” He gives the fakest, toothiest grin, sharp canines on full display. I poke his dimples, laughing as I smooth out the faint lines across his forehead with my thumbs. And the ones by his eyes. I trace the tattooed lines down his cheeks that he once told me were a punishment, like the ones on his body.

“Well?” He asks, raising his thick eyebrows. “What’s the verdict? Remember, what you say is law, Princess.”

I act like I’m deep in thought, though the answer is painfully obvious. “After much deliberation, I declare you the handsomest, Kaed. But also, the most jealous.”

He beams. “I’ll take it, both of those things.”

My smile fades a little, taken aback by his admission. I mean I knew it, but to hear it is different. “The bond?”

He looks away, his jaw tensing slightly. “Yes and no.” I nearly roll into him as he drops onto the edge of my mattress.

“You... draw me in, you always have, Ashley, from the moment I took you. The bond is duty. But I don’t feel only duty towards you. I feel duty towards the King. Towards your brother. But this,” he waves his hand between us, “is not that.”

“Oh.” I wince inwardly, wondering if he can hear my hammering heart. He chuckles, scratching his chin, answering my question. “Don’t worry, I’m not asking for you to say anything back, I just want to be honest, because I wasn’t before.”

“You mean when you kissed me and bound us together for all eternity and didn’t tell me?”

He looks at the floor with a guilty wince, “Yes.”

I shake my head and sigh. He draws me in too. No one has ever drawn me in so deeply, so intensely. No one else has taken over my heart, my thoughts. I have never searched for someone in my nightmares and found them in my dreams. Before Kaed. And as much as I can feel myself changing, growing, I’m still not really sure how to process what I’m feeling. So, in true Ashley fashion, I switch subjects. “Has my uncle been here?”

“Almost every day. He blames himself, as usual.”

I frown. “Why?”

Kaed adjusts himself on the bed. “Because he saw it coming. He sent me to retrieve the beast we used for the Cursewater, just in case he couldn’t stop it.”

My stomach clenches. “Saw it coming how?”

“With his mind magic.”

I stare at him, realising that I never did ask my uncle what his mind magic was. I was too consumed with what my own might be. Too self-absorbed. “He can see when someone’s about to get hurt?”

“Not entirely,” Kaed corrects. “When he touches someone, he can see glimpses of their future.”

I mull over that for a second. “So, you have to physically touch someone to use it?”

“Yes, or something needs to connect you to the person. Objects with metal in them are the strongest conduits outside of direct contact. For all our magic.” I should have known that. Eira and Nyk taught me about transferring my magic into weapons but wouldn’t let me try at the time, in case I accidentally made a black flame grenade.

“What about Aiden?” I can’t believe I hadn’t asked about that either, even though he’s been tolerable of late. What if the slimy git has brainwashed me? Kaed’s lips press into a thin line. “Like yours, his hasn’t appeared yet.” I hum, lost in thought, my mind spinning. Too many wires tangled too tight for me to pull apart as I realise just how wrapped up in myself I’ve been, fretting over finding alcohol or getting back at Aiden. Kaed kissing me when he’s the one suffering. I haven’t even thought about what he’s feeling at the expense of saving me. What else have I missed? Nyk and Cook are sitting in a cell because of me. Eira must be so worried. There are people out there trying to kill me, trap me, but also Kaed too. Maybe even my uncle and Aiden. I haven’t stopped to wonder if Kaed looks over his shoulder like I do, if he flinches at the sound of a door opening. Over time, I’ve gotten comfortable here, starting to love the art in the palace, the food, and the friends I’m making. Trying to fit into their customs and rules. The freedom I’ve never had before. I even got used to the bowing, the power in my heart, the strength in my body. Peace, safety. But not everyone has the advantage of thousands of Volker, wards, a powerful uncle and brother, and a – whatever Kaed is. Others are living just like I was. Stuck. With nothing. I’ve seen the slum towns in the distance on the carriage rides with my uncle, the mourning families whose children have been lost to the Mer, the vendors sporting calloused, bleeding feet. Like mine once were. How have I managed to get tangled up in this world while still feeling sorry for myself? Not even recognising my own privilege.

I sink back into the pillow with a long breath.

“Do you want freedom? In The Above.”

“I do,” he says after a beat of silence. “Living under the Mer has never troubled me. I can fight them, their song. But most of our people cannot. They loose friends, family.” He pauses, jaw tightening slightly as if he’s been holding this back so it doesn’t impact me. My choice. And although it’s ugly, I need to hear it. “Ever since your return, we have seen more Sendings, more missing. Your presence has provoked them it seems. Then, food supplies are failing. Habitable land is shrinking. If our numbers continue to rise, extinction is inevitable. And the more the humans poison their seas, the more it bleeds into our skies, our water.” My heart drops just as his eyes fall to my lips, probably waiting for something selfish to come out of them. But for once, I have nothing to say. I hadn’t thought about what would actually happen if I said no. How many more would die…I just said no.

“But I’m bound to the crown until death takes me. Or insanity. So, whatever the King—” he winks at me, “or Queen, needs from me, I will obey. You want to stay here, I’ll stay here.”

I arch a brow. “So, if I were Queen, you’d serve me like you serve my uncle?”

He smirks, voice deepening. “Does that sound like something you’d like?”