Page 72 of Finding His Fox

Well, not right now, or anytime soon. We were still pretty young. And I still wanted to have a little more time where it was just Cal and me.

So I guess what I wanted to tell him was, I wasn’t opposed to the idea of having a kid anymore.

A few months ago, Cal and I had ‘The Big Talk’. That talk one had with one’s partner about the future.

Like where we were going to live. Who would handle the budgeting. Who was going to clean the bathroom. Whether we planned to have kids.

It was time I told Cal about my hesitations when it came to having kids. In the past, kids were a hard ‘no’ for me.

I was so afraid of being too much like my dad, Donnie, and repeating his mistakes.

However, over time, that feeling started slowly fading away. I was working on it, but most importantly, it was thanks to Cal’s unwavering support and love.

“Take your time. Whether we have kids or not, it doesn’t matter,” Cal said.

“You don’t want any? You don’t imagine little fox pups running around our yard?” I asked him, raising an eyebrow.

“That’s a nice thought, sure. But like I said before, all I’ve ever wanted is you,” Cal replied.

Cal had been so understanding. However, since our conversation, I had been motivated to try to become more comfortable around children.

To gain confidence, I started being more involved with Cal’s wilderness camp.

At first, I was just helping out with the more menial tasks like handling the equipment, but eventually I began interacting with the kids more by joining in the lessons and activities.

I was now an official camp volunteer. Well, a trainee. Cliff was in charge of me.

I guess I saw it as a trial run of sorts. To ease myself into the concept of parenthood.

Of course, one session every couple of weeks couldn’t fully replicate the experience.

Yet, it gave me the courage to believe that I could handle being a father if I wanted to. That of all the reasons to not have any kids, my previous fears shouldn’t be one of them.

And suddenly, it was as if all the weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I realized I did want to have kids. And I was excited to tell Cal that.

I just kept having trouble finding the right moment. I had been planning to make it into some grand announcement, but Cal always seemed to be one step ahead of me.

As if he knew I wanted to tell him some big, exciting news.

“I could hear your heart beat. It beats in this specific rhythm when you’re excited,” Cal explained one evening when I asked him about it.

Don’t get me wrong. It was sweet that he knew me so well. Except, did this mean I couldn’t hide anything from him anymore? No more surprises?

How boring. Damn shifters and their superhuman hearing.

So recently, I’ve been practicing breathing mindfully. Taking care to control it and therefore, my heartbeat. I watched a how-to video online.

So far, it seemed to be working. Cal hadn’t suspected anything in weeks.

And now, in the present, I felt it was time to tell Cal. And Fox Haven’s summer fair seemed like the right place to do it. But again, how?

I looked around us. My mind raced with possibilities until I spotted a shooting game booth and got an idea.

“Hey, let’s give that a try!” I said to Cal, tugging him toward the booth.

The booth was adorned with hanging fox plush toys lining the walls, and one of them caught my eye. I exchanged some tokens for the toy rifle with the vendor and waited until Cal was standing beside me.

Cal leaned lazily against the table and I decided to have some fun with him first.