Page 34 of Between Two Barbarians

“You just what, kolrav?” Brenek prompted when I didn’t finish my sentence.

“I thought… Prince Zakai made it sound as though you’d figured out how to control me. That’s why you were doing what you were doing. It bothered me. I have been controlled my whole life. To think you were only caring for me as a form of control–”

“That’s not it,” Brenek argued, shaking his head. “I did not feed you to stop you from having fun.”

Torgrind nodded his agreement, his brows furrowed. “Our actions weren’t to control you, tavi. They were to ensure you didn’t suffer from your fun later. Water and food, they prevent you from feeling like you did when you woke this morning.”

Oh.

“But… you pulled me away from my friends–”

“Only because we like you close,” Torgrind replied, stroking my chin with his thumb. “You are precious to us, tavi. We were both eager to get back to you. At least in my lap, I could have you close to me while you still had your fun.”

“Had it not ruined your fun, I would have dragged you back here after we returned,” Brenek commented, giving me and Torgrind a shrug when we both frowned at him. “I already have to share him with you. Sometimes, I wish to be selfish with the rest of the clan. In here it’s just us, and I can have his full attention.”

His grumbly reply made me laugh. Even if he was willing to share me with Torgrind, he was still possessive with everyone else. Goddess, I loved that.

Torgrind rolled his eyes at Brenek’s comment, giving his attention back to me. “Your fiery spirit was one of the first things that attracted me to you. I don’t want to diminish it. I only wish to be by your side and show you I care.” His frown deepened. “I also wish to keep you safe. Had Brenek not used one of his moves on you, you would have been seriously hurt last night.”

Confused, I looked over my shoulder at Brenek. I didn’t remember him using any moves on me. I remembered almost nothing after I bartered a bottle of ale from Yngvar. The rest of the night was a blur.

“You almost fell into the fire. You stumbled while dancing, and I had to grab you to pull you away,” Brenek explained.

To my great surprise, Torgrind reached past me, grabbing Brenek’s hand and turning it over to show me the bandages on his arm. “It was lucky it wasn’t worse. Had you fallen in the way it looked like you might, it would have been more severe.”

My stomach twisted painfully as I ran my fingers along the edges of the bandages. He got hurt because of me? Because I assumed they were controlling me and lashed out?

I didn’t deserve men like them.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

BRENEK

I could tell when Jamal began to blame himself. The injury looked worse than it really was. We weren’t the only ones who’d seen the danger of Jamal’s stumbles. Several clan brothers rushed forward when we did. My skin only touched the fire for a few seconds as I caught myself before Rukon and Garrun yanked me back and away from the flames. Tyos and Dras had grabbed Jamal, who was unconscious by the time the healers arrived, and Idrull himself had kept Torgrind from joining me in the flames in his haste to get to Jamal. It was over in seconds.

“It's nothing, kolrav,” I reassured him, pressing a kiss to his temple as he leaned against me. “It won’t even leave a mark. The bandage was only to keep the poultice covered.”

“Still… you got hurt because of me,” he croaked. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to–”

“I know you didn’t,” I murmured, resting my cheek against his hair. Torgrind rubbed Jamal’s back, giving him more comfort. He needed us both to feel better.

For a long while, we just held him. Having him in my arms helped reassure me that he was safe and well and that the nightmares from the night prior that showed me the reality of what would have happened if I hadn’t twisted to trade places with him were all untrue. He was safe.

When he finally sat up, he looked ashamed, his gaze locked on his hands in his lap. “I’m sorry for causing trouble. I thought…” He sighed. “Since I was a child, everyone in my life has always been trying to change me. To make me smaller, more quiet, less trouble. No one ever just wanted me. So when I thought you were trying to control me as well, I tried to push you away.” He curled in on himself a little, his face a mask of heartache. “I just want to be wanted as I am. To not be told I’m too much. Is that really so bad?”

“No,” Torgrind replied and I nodded in agreement. “You are perfect the way you are, tavi. We don’t want to change you. We only want you safe.”

A flicker of a smile crossed Jamal’s face as he attempted to lighten the conversation. “We again? Should I be worried about you two working together against me?”

That made me snort. “No, varakai. It is not me and him against you. It is us together.”

Jamal looked up, his brows drawn together to show his confusion. I tipped my head, giving him a knowing smile.

“You will not choose between us. Right?”

“Right,” he agreed, still frowning.

“Then I will accept that and Torgrind’s place at your side. I want you, varakai. If I can only have that if Torgrind is with us, I can accept that.”