Page 115 of Embers of Ruin

“What would it change right now?”

“I don’t know.” My hands curl at my sides. “Maybe I would've hated you more and never let your words find my heart before finding out that you truly are the monster I believed you to be.”

I look away first.

Mazelle clears her throat, though not unkindly. “The council is gathering.”

Thorin nods once. “I’ll come.”

He turns back to the book and places one hand over its cover. The gesture is final.

“Return to your chambers,” he says to me.

My anger flares. “Of course.”

His gaze sharpens.

“No, truly,” I continue, stepping away from the table. “Thank you for the generous scraps of terrifying knowledge. I’ll go back to my room now and try not to think too hard about a rebellion, torn prophecies, silent villages, or whatever you almost said before deciding, yet again, that I’m better off blind.”

Something in his expression shifts and I wonder if it’s wise to continue baiting him.

His jaw tightens. “Lyra.”

“No.” I hold up one hand. “Don’t. Not like that.”

I can tell that I’m testing his patience, but I don’t care. Not at all.

Let him feel something uncomfortable for once. Mazelle watches us with unnerving stillness. I move toward the door, but Thorin’s voice follows me.

“You will have the truth.”

I stop but I don’t turn. “When?” I ask.

The silence stretches. Then, softer than I expect, he says, “Soon.”

I laugh once, bitter and tired. “I’m beginning to hate that word more than your face.”

He pauses. “My face?” he says, and I catch a hint of amusement in his voice.

Damn him. Damn him for making amusement tug at me even now.

I look over my shoulder. “Yes. It’s distracting, and I resent it.”

For one heartbeat, the almost-smile returns. Then it is gone, swallowed by the report in Mazelle’s hand and the kingdom waiting outside the archive doors.

“Lyra, I have to go now.”

Just like that, my anger returns, because I know he isn't going to tell me anything. He never will. The realization burns hot enough to make me want to cut him and sever whatever bond exists between us. Whatever this is—whatever it was, whatever it could have been—I'm ending it now. Because where he hides behind lies, I'm about to be painfully transparent. If I can't use softness to get what I want... then I'll use my anger.

“Here’s a secret for you, Shadow King. I know you killed my parents. And I’ve been planning to kill you since the moment my adopted mother told me. You’re lucky you have loyal guards, or I would have fucked you senseless and slit your throat in the same breath.”

With that, I storm past him, pretending not to notice the mixture of horror and disbelief written across his face. I flash Mazelle a smug smile as I walk past, raising my eyebrows when her mouth practically falls open.

It’s not so fun when I tell you what I know, now is it?

* * *

Riven is waiting in the hall, because apparently my life now comes with a rotating assortment of concerned men. He falls into step beside me without a word, and I’m grateful enough for the silence that I don’t insult him. This is how one knows the night has become serious.