Page 17 of Reforging Onyx

And held, and kissed, too, and he couldn’t reconcile all of those things in his mind no matter how hard he tried.

“I want to die,” he said even more quietly. “I want to die so, so fucking…” He nearly sobbed again. “I want you to let me go, but you’re never going to. Until you find someone else, something else, a new Sword of Damocles, then what? Then what, Dominic?”

Dominic stroked Onyx’s face with fingers that were entirely too gentle. “You want to die because all you can see in a future with me is pain, is horror and torture and suffering. And that’s my fault, because I miscalculated. I made mistakes that I cannot undo. But things aren’t that way anymore, Onyx, and that’s not the future that I offer you now. I will not let you go. Not now, not ever.”

The twisted part was that he was afraid that Dominic would find someone new to obsess over, to chase as his doom, and then… What? Onyx really would be left with nothing.

This way, he could have a future. A future with Dominic, yes, but a future.

“Yeah,” he whispered, feeling hollow inside. “I know.”

“Let me show you how good it can be, Onyx,” Dominic urged him quietly. “In my arms, in my bed, and out.”

Onyx let out another little sob, another broken sound. “Yeah,” he repeated. “I don’t really have a choice.”

“You can choose to keep fighting, to keep struggling and making things hurt. Or you can choose to put that aside and let them be good,” Dominic whispered. “Let them be good, Onyx. Let me give you the world.”

He leaned in and pressed his mouth to Onyx’s in a gentle kiss.

There was a deeply cynical part of him — a realistic part, likely — that told him that Dominic was manipulating him, that he would say and do anything to have Onyx in his bed.

There was also a part of him that was so, so tired of fighting all the time. That was why they’d come to this agreement in the first place, wasn’t it? Because he’d wanted more than to be the doom of someone who never gave him a fighting chance.

And wasn’t it appealing, to think that someone wanted to give him everything? He had to admit that things had changed, but the trauma of what had happened before had left serious cracks through his mind and soul. Could he believe that Dominic wasn’t simply biding his time before hurting him again?

He didn’t know.

So instead of trying to kick or scream or bite, he let himself be kissed. He didn’t kiss back; he couldn’t. But he let it happen, even as he squeezed his eyes tightly closed.

“Will you let me show you how good things can be?” Dominic murmured against Onyx’s lips. “Please?”

Onyx kept his eyes closed, hesitating for a long moment. Then he whispered back, “And you’ll never… things will never go back?” There was so much fear, so much hope, in those words that he barely recognized his own voice.

“Things will never go back,” Dominic said. “I will never harm you again. I promise.”

Onyx didn’t know whether he could believe it, but what choice did he have? He couldn’t keep going this way, couldn’t keep dreading everything, day after day. He couldn’t keep begging for death.

“My magic…” he began unsteadily. “Are you going to let me use it again?”

“I will,” Dominic said.

Onyx paused, then opened his eyes, seeking out Dominic’s gaze. “Are you going to punish me?” he asked, tears still clinging to his lashes.

“Punish you? For what?” Dominic asked.

Onyx searched Dominic’s expression, seeing only confusion there, and he shook his head quickly. If Dominic didn’t think that his panic attack — and death threats — warranted a punishment, he’d take it. “Never mind."

Dominic nodded slightly before pressing another kiss to Onyx’s lips. “Will you?” he asked again. “Let me show you?”

Onyx tried not to flinch at the kiss, but it was so hard. It was just as hard, in some ways, to accept gentleness as it was to accept pain. “Yeah,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Yeah. I’ll try.”

“Thank you,” Dominic murmured. “Kiss me,” he coaxed before pressing another kiss to Onyx’s lips.

For all that he didn’t want to, not really, Onyx felt so off balance that he hesitated instead of refusing outright. Maybe something small, something nice, wouldn’t feel so bad. Kissing Dominic had been strange, so unlike kissing a woman, but it hadn’t been terrible.

He kissed back.

Dominic kept the kiss slow and gentle, coaxing Onyx to deepen the kiss and slowly exploring his mouth before wordlessly encouraging him to do the same.