Page 115 of Heart of Night and Fire

“What was that for?” His voice thick, he pulled the cloth away, examining the stain. Zarya turned to Yasen, who still held on to her. He slowly let go. I’m right here, his expression read.

She whipped back to Row. “What was that for? You’ve been gone for months. I thought something terrible happened to you!”

“I didn’t realize you cared that much, Zarya.”

“I don’t,” she said, unable to control her voice. “I was worried about me! You disappeared! I might have died trapped in that cottage. You are supposed to protect me. You told me enough times that’s your job.”

The red haze of her rage clearing, Zarya took a deep breath. All the Chiranjivi were present, as well as Vikram and Dhawan. Koura was now helping Row with his nose. She nearly groaned at noticing Rabin leaning against the wall, an amused tilt to his perfect mouth.

Great. Not only was she desperate and pathetic, but now she looked like a raving lunatic. Zarya wished the sea would swallow her whole. She glared at him, hoping he would take the hint and leave.

“I had to go,” Row said as Koura pulled away. “Quietly. Quickly.”

Worn and defeated, Row was not the solid pillar of confidence Zarya was accustomed to. Something had crushed his spirit. With trepidation, he peered at Zarya, as though what he needed to say took great effort. “I heard a rumor about your mother, Asha.”

The blood drained from every limb in her body. “My mother?”

Row sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Will you please sit down?” She hesitated. “Please, Zarya?”

Arms crossed, she dropped herself into the velvet seat across from him.

“It’s been almost twenty years since I’ve heard the barest whisper of Asha,” he said. “I’ve tried to discover her whereabouts, but I’ve come up against nothing but dead ends. I’d almost given up hope.

“But then a few months ago, I was in a tavern in the vanshaj quarter, and I overheard a story about the queen’s secret return to Gi’ana.”

Zarya’s head began to pound as she connected the points of what he was saying.

“The queen of Gi’ana is… was… my mother?” she asked, choking on the last word.

“Yes, Zarya. If you’ll give me a chance, I’m going to try to explain everything.”

She couldn’t seem to make herself speak, so she simply nodded as he continued.

“I began asking around. While most dismissed the rumors, some believed in Asha’s return. It was the most promising bit of news I’d received in decades.

“Worried the trail would disappear, I set out immediately. There wasn’t time to return to you. I couldn’t risk losing her again. I released the magic tethering you and assumed you’d figure it out eventually. Testing your cage was one of your favorite pastimes.”

He gave her a careful smile, but Zarya exhaled an angry breath.

“Why didn’t you send a message?” she asked. As she digested his words, she focused on the minutiae first, not ready to thoroughly examine the rest.

“I couldn’t risk it being intercepted. For your safety or Asha’s.”

Yasen interjected from where he’d sat next to Zarya. “You spent all those years keeping her hidden from everyone, and then you heard the merest hint about some long-lost queen, and you let her go? Just like that?”

“I wasn’t going to be able to keep Zarya there much longer,” Row said, his head bent. “You were already so restless, and you’re an adult now. I couldn’t keep you locked up there forever. I’ve always known that. It seemed like the time had come.”

Zarya’s throat was so tight it felt like she’d swallowed a bucket of rusty nails.

“You were in love with her. Asha. My mother,” she said. “I overheard them talking about it.” She gestured to Apsara and Kindle.

“You shouldn’t have been able to hear that,” Kindle said, straightening. “My house is warded.”

“Well, I did,” she replied, before she closed her eyes, another question bubbling up her throat. She was so afraid of the answer, but asking was as inevitable as the sun in the sky and the tides of the moon. “Row? Are you my father?”

The expression then on Row’s face was unbearable. As if she’d reached into his chest and shredded his heart into scarlet ribbons. His eyes shone with something she’d never seen before and wondered if she’d ever see again.

“Oh, Zarya. I’m sorry, but I am not your father.”