Page 116 of Heart of Night and Fire

Focusing on her hands, she willed the tears burning her eyes not to fall. Again, there was the spiraling loss of something she’d never realized she wanted, despite her complicated feelings for the man in front of her.

“Then who is?” she whispered, the sound small and feeble.

“I’m getting to that part. It’s a long story.” Row reached over to lay a hand on her knee.

“When you were born, Asha kept it a secret. She had other children already, four of them. The only people present at your birth were the midwife, two servants, and me. She’d hidden the pregnancy and, during the last few months, retreated to one of the royal country houses to disappear for a while.

“I didn’t understand why at first, but assumed the king, her husband, was not your father. Why else would she be hiding? But she wouldn’t tell me. You were born, and Asha asked me to eliminate everyone present, which I did, much to my shame. I was blinded by my love for her.”

Zarya grimaced at Row’s admission.

“They said she didn’t return your feelings?” she asked, again gesturing to Apsara and Kindle, who both looked chagrined that they’d been caught gossiping like market wives.

“A rumor we spread together so as not to arouse suspicion.” A serene expression grew on his face as he paused, lost in his memories. “She loved me as much as I loved her, but we had broken off our relationship years earlier. Asha was the married queen of Gi’ana, and I was a mere servant from another kingdom. We could never be together.”

Despite everything, Zarya’s heart broke for Row. No one should be denied their love for one another.

“Asha placed you in my care and asked me to keep you secret. To protect you because your father couldn’t ever know of your existence. Your life would be forfeit. She was so terrified that I didn’t question it. I would have done anything for her. So I went as far away as possible, and that’s how we ended up on the southern shore of Daragaab.

“After we left Gi’ana, I didn’t know what became of your mother. Rumors surfaced shortly after that she had vanished. Some said she died, but I never accepted it, sure I would sense it if she were gone.

“But I did what she asked. I kept you a secret. I protected you.”

Feeling every eye in the room on her, Zarya was silent. When she spoke, her voice was raw. “But why couldn’t you tell me any of this? It would have changed everything if I’d known.”

Row rested his head in his palms in a gesture of shame. Then he sat up and stared Zarya directly in the eye.

“I was scared. I didn’t know who I was protecting you from, so I kept everything from you.”

“Including my magic,” she accused. “You didn’t want me to know I’m Aazheri. You let me think that bit of magic was all I was capable of.”

Row shook his head. “No. That wasn’t me. It was your mother. She bound you as soon as you were born. I tried everything to break it. I traveled all over Rahajhan to find someone with the ability to lift the curse.”

Zarya blew out a long, slow breath.

“All those times you were gone, you were trying to help me?” Zarya tilted her head at Row, seeing him in a different light for the first time. “Why?”

“Because I didn’t want you to be vulnerable. Your mother was wrong to keep you from your magic. If someone dangerous really was after you, you needed every tool at your disposal. It’s why I pushed you so hard to learn how to defend yourself. It was the only thing I was able to give you to ensure you were strong.

“How did you break it, Zarya?” Row asked, leaning forward. “How did you finally access your magic?”

Like fingers trailing up her spine, Zarya felt Rabin’s eyes on her. When she remembered what a fool she’d made of herself earlier, demanding he admit feelings he didn’t have, her cheeks flushed. She was careful not to look at him as she gave Row the abbreviated version of events she’d shared with everyone else.

Row seemed perplexed, but before he could pull apart her lies, she plowed ahead, asking, “You said you were getting to the part about who my father is?”

Row sucked in a deep breath and nodded. “It took me many years to puzzle it out, but there is only one man ruthless enough.”

“To do what?”

“Your mother was no ordinary queen. When she was crowned rani of Gi’ana, an oracle foretold she would be the one to bear a child who possessed nightfire—a gift that hadn’t been seen in Rahajhan in a thousand years.

“Every child Asha birthed was welcomed with much fanfare, but alas, they were all ordinary Aazheri. Powerful Aazheri, but none could wield nightfire. Of course, most dismissed it as a fanciful notion, and after four children, it seemed they were right.”

Row took a deep breath. “I don’t know how they met or how she became pregnant with his child, but the Raja of Andhera believed the prophecy. Obsessed about it. Until the very end, it seems.”

Blood pounded in Zarya’s ears as the pieces of this story fell together.

“Nightfire?” she whispered. “Is that what I did?” She held up her hands, remembering the sparkling black light that had shot from her fingers.