Page 98 of Heart of Night and Fire

“I’ve learned to accept my role in this life. I don’t know what else I’d do, anyway.” His smile was bitter.

Zarya puffed out her cheeks and let out a long sigh. “I do feel for Vikram. Can you imagine? Never being able to feel anyone’s touch? Never being intimate again?”

“Oh, I know,” Yasen said. “We’ve discussed it plenty of times. Usually after several drinks. It’s such an archaic practice, but the nobility is so entrenched in their ways. Meanwhile, most of them are busy fucking their mistresses behind closed doors while their wives tend to their households with fake smiles plastered to their faces. It’s hypocrisy at its finest.”

“Well, one good thing came out of it,” she said after a minute, giving Yasen a sidelong glance.

“What’s that?”

“Thanks to Vikram’s omission of truth, you stopped scowling at me and are almost tolerable now.”

He snorted. “Thanks, you’re kind of tolerable yourself.” Yasen grinned at her, and Zarya’s throat constricted. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It’s so embarrassing,” she said, “but I was so alone. I had no one, and now everything has changed. I have Amrita and you, and even Vikram. And it’s like finding a life raft in a storm. Sometimes I thought the reason Row kept me hidden was because no one wanted me around.”

Yasen furrowed his forehead. “Oh, Zee.”

“It’s okay,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t believe that anymore. I know better now.”

“Good, because that isn’t true.” He paused. “I listened to you and Aarav arguing on the beach a few weeks ago.”

“I know. Thank you for watching out for me.”

“You were growing on me like a fungus.” He winked and took a drink. “What happened between you two, anyway? It can’t be just jealousy.”

She let out another long sigh and shook her head. “Maybe our relationship isn’t his fault entirely.”

He tipped his head in question.

“I don’t really understand how it all started. For as long as I can remember, he always disliked me. Even when I was a child, he was borderline cruel. Aside from leaving me behind every chance he got, he’d sometimes lock me out of the house at night when Row was away and do petty things like knock my food over or trip me when I passed. Insidious things that in themselves weren’t much, but over the years, a void grew between us.

“He’s a bit older than me, and I’ve always assumed he hated playing babysitter so often. When Row was around, he ignored me completely, but Row was away often. And I wasn’t exactly the most compliant kid.” She looked down at her hands, needles of guilt prickling under her skin.

“You were a child, Zarya. That wasn’t your fault,” Yasen said, sensing her contrition.

She gave Yasen a small smile. “When I was fourteen, something happened that cemented our relationship forever. Row had been gone for a couple of weeks, and he had a strict rule about Aarav bringing visitors to the cottage. It was expressly forbidden, and it was because of me. Because I always had to stay hidden. I suppose that’s another reason Aarav disliked me—like I had any choice in the matter.

“One night, Aarav went to the nearby village to go drinking. It was just after sunset when he returned with a group of friends, including a woman I could tell he was absolutely smitten with.”

Yasen grimaced, and she laughed.

“I saw them coming and went to hide in my room. Aarav must have told them I was there because a little while later, one of his friends found me. He was obviously stone drunk, and he stumbled into my room and grabbed me. Pushed me against the wall, put his hands on me, and licked my neck. It was awful. I was paralyzed, and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t scream, and I’m not sure anyone would have stopped him, anyway.

“To this day, I hate how I just froze. Row had me training with a sword since the day I could walk, but at that moment, I forgot everything he taught me. I can still feel how rough he was. He was so feral and possessive, like I owed him something. It was the most terrifying thing I’d ever experienced…”

She shuddered. Yasen laid his hand over hers and squeezed it.

“Then Row showed up. Aarav shouted at everyone to hide, and they all scattered into the forest, including the man in my room. I was shaking so hard I couldn’t breathe.

“But whatever his faults, I knew Row would protect me. I was vibrating with fear and anger, and I told him what Aarav had done and what that man had tried to do. Row was furious. He’s always kind of scary, but this was something else.”

Overwhelmed by the memories, Zarya stopped again and stared into her glass. She’d done her best to block out those moments over the years. Yasen rubbed her forearm gently. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, it’s okay.”

With a trembling breath, she continued.

“Row stalked into the forest and hunted each one of them down like animals—they didn’t stand a chance—and he killed every one of them. I heard them screaming, pleading for their lives. But he didn’t spare a single one. Then he lost his shit on Aarav and threw him out of the house for weeks.