Page 149 of Queen of Shadows and Ruin

FIFTY-ONE

After Row left, everyone retired to their separate spaces to rest for the night.

Zarya and Rabin closed the door to her room. He turned around to face her, and his expression was so full of misery that she thought her heart might burst from her chest.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I have to…”

He strode across the room and wrapped her in his arms as she broke down, sobbing against him and letting everything out. He trembled as he squeezed her, pressing soft kisses to the crown of her head.

“I hope you know…” she gasped. “I wanted more time. I wanted to do everything with you. See the world. Be together. I just…”

“Zarya,” he murmured softly, cupping her face in his hands. “It’s not over yet.”

“The odds of surviving are almost nothing,” she said.

“But they aren’t zero.”

She nodded, even if she knew it was hopeless. “I’m sorry this is the end for you, too. You should never have agreed to bond with me. This wasn’t worth it.”

He lifted her chin with a finger. “Zarya. Don’t you dare fucking say that. I entered this bond willingly. Openly. I knew what I was signing up for. From the very start, I understood your destiny would take us somewhere important, and it might mean sacrifices along the way.”

He wiped an errant tear from her cheek with his thumb.

“The first time I saw you, I knew there would never be anyone else. I knew I would die with you, one way or another. You’ve brought me the greatest happiness I’ve ever known, and if it could only be for so short a time, then I need you to understand it was worth every moment I got to spend with you.”

He paused, searching her face, his dark eyes sparking with gold. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. “I would have made the same choice over and over, even knowing what I know now. I would have made the same choice no matter what. Loving you and spending even a moment with you was worth all of it.”

Her tears were flowing freely now, coasting down her cheeks as her shoulders heaved with the weight of the emotions she was carrying in her breaking heart.

“What do you picture after this?” Rabin said. “If we survive?”

“You and I together,” she whispered. “I want to go to university, and I want to live in Ishaan. I want Row and my mother to get another chance, and I want us to be a family.”

He exhaled a soft breath. “Then you’ll have all of that. Do you understand me?”

He cupped her face in his hands and stared at her until she finally nodded. “I can’t wait.”

He gave her the softest smile that cracked through the center of her chest.

“I love you,” she whispered, clinging to him. “I don’t care if the gods chose you for me, I would have loved you until the end.”

Then he kissed her in answer. They clung to one another as if trying to hold on forever.

Suddenly, she couldn’t get enough. She surged up, pressing her mouth harder to his. She needed him. She needed to feel all of him against her. Inside her. She needed his hands and his touch. This might be the last time they’d ever do this.

In silent agreement, they began undressing, sliding off layers, pants, shirts, boots, cloaks, everything hitting the floor until they were both naked, their warm skin pressing together and heat rising between them.

They kissed and kissed like the world was burning around them. He lifted her, wrapping her legs around his waist. Then he lay her on the bed before he began planting soft kisses down the length of her body.

He pulled up and looked down at the space between her heart where the silver dragon Kishore had inked on her skin sparkled. She touched it, but there was no magic anymore. No power left to control them. It would only be a reminder of everything they survived.

He traced her iridescent black dragon and then the silver, his expression contemplative. Zarya thought it looked like they were reaching for each other.

Then Rabin gave her a soft smile and then leaned down to suck on the curve of her throat and kiss her collarbone, followed by the valley between her breasts. His mouth dragged lower, skating over her stomach and down over her navel. He spread her legs as he fell to his knees, and this reminded her so much of the first night they’d been together.

She forced her mind towards the good memories. The moment he’d told her that he loved her. When he’d saved her from falling to her death in Dharati. She thought of the moment when she’d finally forgiven him. Of the day Row and Koura walked in on them in the haveli.

She giggled, and Rabin peered up from between her legs with an arched brow.