Page 114 of One Last Thing Before You Go

And I know what you’re thinking—Whoa, what? Since when? Turns out, since always. I just had to do some work on myself to realize that much of what was happening was internal. It took months of therapy and a lot of introspection to realize I had a lot of baggage to deal with. Not just with my divorce and my infertility, but so much about my parents and their loss.

Grief. Such an odd thing. I should’ve known, especially after speaking about it with Knox on several occasions. At the time, I thought I knew all about grief. But it’s shocking how deep the iceberg really is.

Now, as I look around at my wonderful friends and family, at the people of Ceres

Cove who have been able to make it to the opening, I feel calm. Excited, for sure. But calm. I no longer feel trapped or like there’s an elephant on my chest. I no longer feel like a failure. I no longer have these arbitrary expectations on what it means to have “made it” in life. I decide what it means to have “made it.” No one else. And as I stand in the middle of my bookstore, that I got off the ground, based off of a concept I developed that also helped my community, I know that I have officially Made It. Capital M. Capital I.

Sure, it would be great to have the one person I love most by my side. But even if he had answered my calls over the past few months, even if he hadn’t ignored my emails or texts, even if he had forgiven me, I’m happy to have done this on my own.

I miss Knox. I miss him on a visceral level. But I’m getting my life together, just getting a business off the ground, taking better care of my physical and mental health. My endo flare-ups have come few and far between since taking this major step in life. And though I’m still going through with the hysterectomy, there’s no rush. I’m waiting until the initial excitement from the store comes down.

As for Knox, I hope that maybe one day he will pick up the phone. Maybe one day, when he’s less angry at me, he’ll answer my calls or emails. Or maybe he’ll find the one person that truly makes him happy. And though it’s devastating to think that person might not be me, at least there’ll be peace in knowing he’s happy.

“This is amazing, Lottie. We’re so insanely proud of you.” Daniel hands me another glass of pink champagne before placing a kiss on my cheek while Brandon places a kiss on my other one. “Seriously, this is incredible.”

“Thanks, guys. None of this would’ve happened without you. There’s no way I could’ve afforded buying the bookstore back and the space next door without your loan. I don’t know how to thank you enough.”

“Stop,” Brandon says, taking a sip from his own glass. “We’re more than happy to do it. Everyone in town is obsessed, and come summer, it’ll be packed with people.”

“Hopefully before then, Brandon.”

“Yes, that too, of course.”

“I want to make this a chill place to hang. I mean, you know I have plans to do watch parties and stuff. Like The Bachelor in January and stuff.”

“Really? Are we doing fantasy leagues, too?” Daniel’s eyes light up.

I laugh at his excitement, giddy that so many other people in town are as happy about my new place as I am. “Absolutely.”

“So can you give us a tour of the photos? I’ve made my own assumption as to where they came from, but I just want to hear it from you.”

“They’re mine, aren’t they?” The familiar voice comes from behind me, sending chills running up and down my spine. Every muscle in my body tenses. My wide eyes flash to Daniel, but his shocked gaze is on someone behind me.

“You’re here.” I pretend like I don’t know who he’s talking to, but a whiff of that signature scent weakens my knees, making me have to lean on the nearest shelf for stability.

There’s only one person who has that effect on me.

Turn around, I tell myself, but it’s like my body won’t comply.

Knox clears his throat. “Yeah, I⁠—”

“I’m so glad you got my email.” Daniel is beaming, bursting at the seams with happiness.

Email? They’ve been in contact?

“No, actually. I haven’t checked my email or phone in months. Not since the sale went through.”

A piece of me unwinds. He hasn’t checked his email or phone in months. So maybe he wasn’t ignoring me. But maybe he just… forgot about me.

“Kinda shut myself off from the rest of humanity, actually.”

“Right. Lottie, do you think maybe you could get it together enough to turn around and say hi to Knox? Seeing as somehow he made it to your grand opening?”

Brandon laughs but tries to hide it with a cough.

“I hate you,” I mouth to both of them before turning around.

“Your grand opening?” Knox asks.