Page 9 of Tastes Like Summer

“It was rough,” I grumble.

“Whatever. I’m a mother of two demons and I’m telling you you’re not a bad dad.”

I take a seat on one of the stools by the counter, looking out onto the field. “The normal one was Barbara’s friend. The one I met at the wedding? The one who’s staying at her place.”

“How do you know she’s the one?”

“Educated guess.” I shrug. “But I just think it’s too much of a coincidence to have seen her at the wedding and then at the camp. I told you Barb had asked for recommendations for her guest’s kids. So, yeah, I think it’s her friend.”

“Small world.”

“Hmm.” I nod. “It’s going to be an uncomfortable summer.”

“Well, it’s not like you’ll be forced into social situations with this new woman. Barbara is away for most of the summer, and you can just avoid this woman at camp drop-offs and pick-ups. Pretend like you don’t see her. Chances are, she’ll do the same.”

“Yeah,” I mumble, thinking back to the look in Diana’s dark brown eyes as she transitioned into protective mode. Fierce. Strong. The perfect cherry red lip pout as she stared at me in slight derision. Deadly, but beautiful. The determined expression on her face; making sure her girls were being taken care of.

So much fucking passion.

“Listen.” Lexi comes to stand beside me, placing both hands on my shoulders, her dark blonde bob shaking as she shakes me. “Snap out of it. The fact that you’re stressing about what kind of parent you are already makes you a better parent than most. It means you care enough to try as hard as you can to not mess up your kids. You need to stop thinking you’re this shitty dad. You are far from it. You gave up your life to take care of this kid. You could’ve kept on being Uncle Michael, passed on the responsibility to her grandparents or something. But you chose to follow Jessie’s request and take Rach in. You gave up your restaurant and your life and moved back here just so she could stay in her hometown. Amid all the trauma and all the grief, you’re opening up a new business venture in the hopes of giving her a more stable life. You’re providing for her. In more ways than one. That’s not being selfish or a bad parent.” She pats me on the back and lets me go. “That’s being an honorable person.”

“Yes, sure, now. Now that’s what I’m doing. But I can’t help feeling things would be easier if we had just told her from the beginning who I was, if she knew I was her dad, and I had treated her like a daughter from the get-go.”

Lexi takes a deep breath. “I’m gonna say something that you’re not going to like. But… you would’ve made a horrible father ten years ago.”

I balk at her.

“It’s true. You were selfish and career-centered and an immature ass who thought he was hot shit. But even though you were all those things, you were still self-aware enough to know you would’ve been the worst. Because you didn’t want to be a father, and you would’ve resented that kid. Luckily, Jessie was a saint, and offered to have you be as involved as you wanted to be—which was not at all. But trust me—it would’ve been a nightmare. You would’ve been a nightmare. And then you’d definitely have made for a terrible father. Now you’re more mature, and already have a name for yourself, and⁠—”

“But I missed so much. I missed everything, it feels like.” I hunch over the bar, letting my forehead rest on the cool marble.

Lexi pauses for a moment, considering her words carefully before speaking again. “You were there in the best way you could have been.”

No matter what Lexi says, this sense of guilt will never disappear.

“Cut yourself some slack, Michael. Look at everything you’ve accomplished. And what we’re about to accomplish together.”

I snort, shooting her a desperate look. “I’m starting to lose faith there, too. We’re ten weeks away from opening, out of money, and I haven’t been able to come up with a single fucking creative dish in months.”

“Yeah, it’s no secret we gotta get it together, but we can do it. We just need to find another investor and get you inspired. I’ll work on finding us more catering clients to get us out of the water for the time being. And you need to get back to testing new dishes.”

“I’m creatively constipated, Lexi. Like, all backed up and nothing’s coming out,” I nearly moan, miserable.

She bursts out laughing and slaps me on the shoulder. “Is that why you’re looking a little rounder these days?”

I glare at her. “No. I think that’s just my dad bod kicking in.” I look down at my stomach, and while we both know she’s exaggerating, I can’t help but be a little vain about it.

“Michael. You need to relax. Every single dish you’ve created has been a hit with our testers. You’re overthinking this.”

She’s not wrong. Still, though. I shake my head, digging my fingers in my hair. “You don’t get it.” And the fact that she doesn’t, sends shivers down my spine. I need my Number 2 to Get. It. “Perfection, Lexi. We need perfection.”

She frowns and crosses her arms in front of her chest. “Perfection is the enemy of the good, Michael. So how about you take some creative Miralax or something and develop some kick ass recipes, huh?”

I grunt.

Lexi rolls her eyes and heaves a big sigh. “It’ll work. The restaurant. Rachel. It will all work out. I promise.”

“It has to.” I look out the window again, my eyes landing on the one person who’s become the center of my universe in such a short amount of time. “For her, it has to.”