Page 26 of Merciless

WILLIAM

I woke up groggy, my mind grasping onto the final relics of a pleasant dream, when a warm hand skirted over my bare chest. Huh?

My eyes popped open from the unfamiliar touch, which immediately had reality crashing down around me.

Nikita was lying there, naked, and she looked pleased. I turned from her cheeky, sinful smile and swept out of bed, picking up my scattered clothes and redressing at speed.

“Last night was a mistake,” I said, refusing to look her way.

“You say that every time, Will… Aren’t you tired of denying yourself, denying us?”

My lids closed tight as my brain reworked her words. I was tired, so fucking emotionally drained that I couldn’t take it anymore; the loneliness, the longing, the self-hatred, and dare I say, the constant begging for forgiveness from my son.

I felt selfish for even allowing the passing thought, but I couldn’t help feeling bitter from his no-show. I’d always known Colton was stubborn, but I never raised him to be cruel.

Vicious recollection surged forth, making me relive the disastrous day before. I was originally ecstatic, overrun with emotion at the mere thought of seeing my son, spending time with him, especially since I had such exciting news to share.

I had planned to tell Colton about his trust fund and the money I’d invested on his behalf, excited to make a grand reveal as I knew he’d be excited.

Nevertheless, our reunion was not meant to be. Every single moment since losing my wife, I had been consumed in misery. After the year I’d had, I truly believed that the worst was over. Until I fully accepted Colton not coming to Thanksgiving. That’s when I knew I hadn’t quite hit rock bottom yet.

I dropped down on the end of my bed, hands lifting to cradle my head, hesitant about how to proceed. Nikita and I were wading into uncharted territory.

I had given in the night before, willing to take what she offered in order to dull the never-ending depression. In that bleak moment, I chose the brief escape of sex. I chose myself. I just wanted to feel something other than pain.

However, in all our past encounters, Nikita had never stayed after. We would find momentary relief in one another, then act like it never happened, that our secret rendezvous never existed. And now that I was caught in the unknown, I didn’t know what to do.

“I’m sorry, Nikita, but I don’t know what to tell you. My mind’s a mess right now. I-I didn’t mean to take advantage last night—”

“You didn’t,” she interrupted. I felt the mattress dip as she slipped out of the covers and began to dress. “It’s okay, William. I wanted to. We both did. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re friends who are taking care of one another.”

“Yeah. Friends.” I cleared my throat. “I’ll walk you out.”

“At least let me help you clean up.”

I groaned, remembering the spoiled food and messy kitchen I had left in ruins. “I’ve got it.”

She came to stand before me, waiting until my gaze rose to lock with hers. Sincerity bled from her expression, with a healthy dose of empathy thrown in. “I insist, Will.”

The side of my lips kicked up in retaliation to her serious tone. “Well, then, if you insist.”

Nikita whirled for the door, not allowing me to get another word in. But I couldn’t help my innate manners as I called out my gratitude.

She just waved an errant hand over her shoulder before turning into the hallway. A minute before, I had been dreading the very thought of being left on my own once more. Now, all of a sudden, my morning didn’t seem so gloomy.

It took two hours to get the house cleaned up to its usual standard. Then one extra hour to rest and eat leftover cake. Nikita and I didn’t mention our intimacy the night before, agreeing to a silent truce, which I was thankful for.

I was beyond confused, which surely meant she felt the same, hence why we kept the conversation on light and unserious topics.

As our time came to a close, I was surprised to find that I was reluctant to let her leave. Despite some awkwardness, that morning was the most pleasant I’d had in a long time.

Nikita stalled in the doorway, handbag pushed up on her shoulder. “I’m serious, Will. Please call me if you have to. I know we haven’t been close as of late, but I do worry about you… In this big house all on your own.”

Warmth spread through me from her voiced concern. How long has it been since anyone cared for me? Or even worried about me? I couldn’t remember.

Before I could think too deeply, I shot forward and pressed a peck to her cheek. “Thank you… for caring.”

Nikita tilted her head. “I’ll always care.”