Page 50 of Merciless

“When’s the last time you had a deep and meaningful conversation? When’s the last time you laughed together?” Annette’s voice turned gentle, almost placating. Which made me feel fucking worse. “How can you love someone you barely even know?”

“I know her,” I said defensively. “From the very first time we met, I fell in love with her.”

“Are you in love with her, or in love with the idea of her?”

“Why would you say that?” I asked, almost accusingly. Why is she trying to talk me out of my own feelings?

Annette lapsed into silence, which put me on edge. I soon got impatient with the uncomfortable strain and said, “Come on, spit it out, old girl. Don’t hold back on me now.”

That seemed to work since she cracked a small side smile. “Fine. But don’t ever call me old girl again, little shit.”

I chuckled, then tipped my chin, suggesting she continue.

“I think over the years, you have built Charlotte up into this angelic being who can do no wrong. Someone who is completely faultless.”

“To me, she is.”

“Yes. For now. But hypothetically, what happens when she inevitably fails you?”

“You don’t have faith in your own daughter?”

“On the contrary. Charlotte is one of a kind, and I’m not just saying that because she’s mine. But you’re forgetting one vital component, Colt.”

“And that is?”

“She is human. Like the rest of mankind, she too will fail at times. So, with how much you claim to love her, tell me how you would respond when she inevitably lets you down?”

“She won’t,” I said, folding my arms tightly over my chest.

“One day, she will. What will you do then? Swear vengeance against her? Work to systematically destroy her?”

My breath caught. “I never thought you would throw my actions back in my face.”

“I’m not judging you, Colton. Far from it. I’m merely holding up a mirror for you to see your own reflection.”

A rock dropped to the bottom of my gut. “I’m unworthy of her.”

“I never said that.” She didn’t, but I believe it all the same.

“No. I say that. I vow to change, to improve myself, because me, as I am now… I understand why you’d want to protect her.”

Annette snickered. “I’m not trying to protect her. I’m trying to protect you, idiot.”

I stared at her blankly until she gave a soft sigh. “I don’t want you to latch on to someone else, anything else, and use that as your reason or motivation for change. I wish so much for you, my boy, but this is a war you have to navigate on your own. Not one you can enlist others to fight for you… Change, improve, heal, but most of all, learn how to love yourself before you freely give that away to anyone else. Your love is a precious commodity, Colton. Don’t squander it.”

My lips quivered as I gave a sincere reply. “I-I don’t know how to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Love myself.”

“Now seems like a good time to learn.”

We soon turned inwards, our moods contemplative as I shifted and pushed Annette’s wheelchair along the concrete path.

I had a lot to unpack and think on, her insight challenging me to look at things from a new perspective.

It was true that, over time, I had subconsciously placed Charlotte on a pedestal. In some weird way, she had remained a steadfast figure, frozen in the exact same spot I had left her in. Being held in her arms was the final place where I truly felt safe, comforted and loved.