Page 70 of Entwined in Norway

‘You think I should go now?’

He nodded. ‘You’ll be miserable until you do. I’ll cover for you.’

Ida went outside, heading for the cabin. She felt nervous about seeing Erik. Giving him a chance to explain felt like letting her guard down, and she wasn’t very good at that.

He was outside the cabin, leaning over a long piece of wood that was balanced on two trestles. He was stroking it with his hand, then sanding it before stroking it again. A perfectionist at work.

‘Ida.’ He stood up when he saw it was her and fiddled with the sandpaper.

‘Mats thinks I should hear you out. So that’s why I’m here.’

Really, she was here because she wanted to love him and she had to know if he felt the same, or whether she’d been a convenient way in to having a connection with the family. A way to pass the time on his research trip.

She sat on the patch of grass between the cabin and the water, watching Erik wince as he joined her before stretching his legs out in front of him.

‘Sorry, we can sit somewhere else.’

‘It’s okay, I’m down here now.’

She knew he was smiling at her, but she kept her eyes forward.

‘Can I tell you my side of the story about the letter?’

She nodded. He told her the most wonderful story of how his great-grandfather had saved the life of hers during the Second World War and had been given half of the timber forest as a thank you.

‘I can see how you think I made friends with you to get information or something, but it wasn’t like that, Ida. This was something my whole family had wondered about for years, and it never occurred to anyone to come looking before. It kept me going through my darkest times. And none of that has anything to do with the way I feel about you.’

She sniffed and looked away. ‘You could have told me.’

‘I could have, but I’ve spent the past eight months being a grumpy asshole, and that’s hard to shake off. It’s only when I got to know you that I knew I could have told you, and by then it was harder because of other things.’

Because of what had happened between them. She knew that’s what he meant, and it was a measure of how well he understood her that he could predict her reaction.

‘That’s not a good enough reason. I feel betrayed, Erik. I was honest with you about everything, like I’ve never been with anyone before. I’ve bared my soul to you and I thought you’d done the same.’

Erik shifted, lying back on the grass, rubbing his hands over his face. ‘Shit, Ida. Things have been so messed up for me, the stuff in my soul is all that’s left. You’ve seen all of that, all the worst parts of me. This letter? It doesn’t even matter compared to what we’ve had these past couple of weeks. It kept me going, brought me here, but once you and I… that wasn’t why I wanted to stay.’

‘What are you going to do? Mats said I have to ask you. Are you taking the forest?’

He laughed and shook his head. ‘I don’t want the forest, Ida, I want you.’

She didn’t know what to say to that. It was too fast. She was sure she was in love with him, but that didn’t mean she was all in yet. And that the letter had thrown her so far off course proved that.

‘I don’t know if I’m ready for that.’

‘I know. And that’s why I’m leaving. Going back to Canada.’

Now she lay down. Hadn’t he just said he wanted her? ‘You can’t leave.’

‘Why, Ida? Tell me.’

His tone hurt her, almost physically, reminding her of the day he’d blown up at her about the hot water. And it kept her from being able to tell him exactly why she didn’t want him to leave. Because if she laid her heart out for him after working so hard to mend it over the past few years, she had to know he’d be careful with it. And she knew he had enough trouble taking care of his own.

‘I thought you wanted to stay and work on the cabins?’

Erik pushed himself to standing and exhaled before he said, ‘That’s not a good enough reason. I can’t stay to help Mats. I can only stay for you. Is that what you want?’

He was making it so easy for her, and yet it seemed harder than ever to say that one small word. Yes. Because if she did, that meant she was responsible for his happiness as well as her own, and she wasn’t ready for that.