Page 82 of Somnium

He let out a sharp breath, threading both hands into his hair as he began to pace. “Dammit, Cadi, I’m not trying to be, but you have no idea what you’d be stepping into.”

It felt like she might as well have been shouting at a wall. He was still handling her with kid gloves, and she just needed him to trust her. To treat her like an equal instead of something fragile. She threw up her hands, her tone bordering on desperate. “Then by all means, explain it to me instead of shutting me out.”

Elias crossed his arms, shaking his head as he continued his infuriating path back and forth in front of her.

Cadi worked her jaw and bounced a fist against the granite counter. “I can handle myself in there. No one will even notice me moving around; they never do.”

“But if anything were to happen⁠—”

“It won’t.”

“But if it did, I can’t risk …”

“Can’t risk what?” she demanded, stepping into his path. “Me fucking up?”

“No,” he murmured, refusing to meet her gaze as he stepped around her.

Her throat burned from his continued deflections and avoidance. She needed him to look at her, to answer her. To explain to her why he was so insistent that she remain on the outskirts of his life when she had taken the risk to let him completely into hers.

“Then what?” she pressed, moving to block him again.

He moved so fast she didn’t have time to react before he was gripping her arms hard enough to hurt.

“Losing you!”

The crack in his voice buried itself in her chest like a knife. His eyes met hers, and when they did, she didn’t see rage, or guilt. She saw a fear so raw it tore her open.

Elias was terrified.

“If anything happened to you …” he whispered, “it would destroy me.”

Cadi pulled in a trembling breath, her anger dissolving beneath his confession. “Elias …”

He squeezed his eyes shut and released her, turning on his heels toward his bedroom.

“Elias, wait,” she called, rounding the kitchen island to follow him into the hall. She stopped short when he turned suddenly, the shake in his voice fracturing something deep inside her.

“Cadi,” he said, “I gave you your space. Now please … give me mine.”

She swallowed hard, nodding as he turned back around and strode into his room, closing the door behind him.

Cadi was chewing her nails again. It was no surprise to her that their fight and the deafening silence that followed had been enough to throw her right back into the habit. Still, her mom would be so disappointed.

The sound of Elias’s shredded voice was burned into her memory, the look of pain and fear in his eyes crushing her like a thousand stones. Her anger had long since vanished, and now all she wanted was for him to come out, to talk to her.

Her head lifted at the soft click of a door being opened, and the air stilled in her lungs until she saw him emerge at the end of the hallway. His movements were slow, like every piece of him was completely exhausted as he crossed to the dining table where she waited.

Nerves twisted themselves into a knot in her stomach as she watched him. He sat in silence, his hands folded in front of him and his head dipped low. But he wasn’t looking at her. Gods, she just needed him to look at her.

After what felt like hours, he pulled in a shaky breath, and lifted his head. His eyes were rimmed with red, a telling dampness still clinging to his lashes that left her feeling like she might split open. She let her fingers brush against his wrist, a smothering weight settling over her when he stiffened at her touch. If he pulled away from her … the thought alone was enough to gut her.

But instead, he shifted, and Cadi felt her own muscles finally relax when he wrapped his fingers around hers.

Turning to face her, he let his thumb drift across the back of her hand, the gentleness in his touch a painful contrast to the resigned sadness she found in his eyes.

“If anything feels off,” he said, his voice raw, “and I mean anything. You get out. Promise me.”

She nodded, taking the back of his neck and pressing her forehead to his. “I don’t want to be a hero, Elias. I just want to help you carry this.”