Page 130 of The Edge of Darkness

My grip tightened, just enough to make her wince. “Forget that it’s me beneath the blade.” She began to protest, but I grabbed a hold of her waist and pulled her body to mine. “I need to know, Maeson. Are you capable of wielding a physical weapon like this if your life depended on it?”

Bright green eyes stared deep into mine. “Yes,” she breathed.

I worked on a swallow, feeling the metal scrape against my skin. “Good.” This close, her scent was intoxicating, making it harder for me to focus.

Gods, I didn’t think we’d ever been this close. My fingers itched to dig into her skin. If I were to just lean a few inches forward, those rosy lips would be on mine. I didn’t care that there was a blade at my throat. I would happily lean into it and sever every vein and artery, if it meant I could just . . .

I tipped forward, longing to close the distance to her. My heart kicked against my chest, stirring the Aether, which turned a curious eye on the situation.

Something wet slid down my neck.

Maeson gasped, and this time, when she tried to withdraw the dagger, I let her.

I reached for the nick in my skin, but her fingers got there first. She swiped her thumb through the blood, her healing magic flaring with a small spark, closing the wound quicker than my own natural ability would have done. When she lifted her eyes to mine again, I had to look away.

“Why would you do that?” she asked.

Because I care for you, I wanted to say. Those weren’t the words that came out though.

“I need to know that you can defend yourself.”

“I can.”

“Not with flames,” I corrected her. “If your power is nullified, what then?”

She paused. “I’m not going to be defending myself against you.”

I ground my teeth together. “You have to learn how it feels to raise a weapon to someone’s throat. It’s not as simple as calling on your power.”

She tilted her head, and I knew she saw right through me. “Aremis . . . what is this really about?”

I couldn’t bear the thought of her getting hurt, or of me not being there to defend her. But I’d never told her either of those things. I’d never spoken about any of my affections. Not because I didn’t want to, but because every time I tried, my power was there, reminding me that I could belong to no one else while I belonged to it.

If I could just unzip the seal that held in my emotions, and pour out my heart right here and now . . .

“I . . .” I steadied my breath. “I’m . . . trying.”

Victory and defeat all in one word.

Trying.

“Trying . . . for what?” she pressed.

Gods, this was a terrible approach. What was I doing? I didn’t really feel like I knew anymore.

Just say the words.

I care for you. I care for you.

Silence stretched between us.

She let out a small sigh. “I’m doing my best to figure out whatever this is, Aremis. But I . . . I need you to give me something here.”

The slightest tinge of sadness in her voice nearly had me on my knees, begging her not to give up on me.

Breathe. Say it.

A vise clamped around my heart, choking off the words as they rose up my throat, until I finally pushed past the wall in my mind that told me to go no further. “I care too much about you. If something were to ever happen to you, I⁠—”