Page 85 of Breakaway

“Some days I am.” I shrug a shoulder nonchalantly. “I have moments where I don’t want to get out of bed, and others where I don’t think there’s any sentence my abusers could receive that would ever be enough. Where nothing short of them experiencing the exact same torture they inflicted upon their victims will suffice. But then one of the guys will do or say something that reminds me of how fortunate I am to have such amazing people in my life. Hudson will hit another milestone, and being able to watch him grow and thrive is a far better fuck you to Veritas than giving them any more of my headspace.

“I’ll always regret that Hudson was a casualty of their wickedness, but if there was no changing the outcome and some force greater than us had already predetermined our paths in this life, then I’m eternally grateful that I exist on the same timeline as him. That even though I couldn’t stop him from experiencing the worst kind of heartache, I’m so blessed that Seth saw fit for me to be the one who helps him pick up the pieces and live the rest of his life to the absolute fullest.” I bite my lip to keep it from trembling, not having expected our middle-of-the-night talk to get so heavy.

“You were meant to be a mother, Andi,” Mia insists, her hand reaching across the counter to hold mine in solidarity. “I’m so sorry that the hows and whys of it were out of your control, but I do believe you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.” I squeeze her hand in thanks, releasing a pent-up breath. Shaking off the somber mood, I move to grab a glass from the cabinet and fill it with water.

“I’m sorry you’re stuck here for the foreseeable future.” I scrunch my nose in a grimace. “I know that Raiden has put you in an uncomfortable position with Belmont.” I glance at her beneath my lashes, hoping to get a read on her reaction before prying any further. Raiden was kind enough to clue me in to their relationship earlier this evening. Mia waves her hand dismissively, seemingly unbothered about working with her ex.

“It’s honestly not a big deal. We needed to have an actual conversation that didn’t involve screaming at one another, so this opened the door for that,” she explains, draining the rest of her half-empty wine glass. “I think we both know we’re better off as friends, and it’s nice to be on speaking terms again. But I swear, the man lives and breathes work. I have no idea how he keeps the hours he does. If I even think about sleep, my phone chimes with an email notification. I’m beginning to wonder if he’s using my computer to spy on me,” Mia groans, the sound a mixture of exhaustion and frustration. Her brows dip in contemplation, and then she flips off the camera, just in case. A laugh tumbles out of me as I step around the island to face the screen of her laptop.

“In that case,” I jest, giving a little finger wave at the lens. “Thanks for all you’re doing, Belmont. I’m extremely grateful to have your hacking abilities on our side.” I smile, feeling slightly foolish that I’m speaking to thin air. Mia chuckles at my theatrics, but then her phone dings with an incoming text. Her jaw drops, eyes flaring wide as she bounces her gaze between me and the laptop.

“He says you’re welcome,” she deadpans. Her cold-as-ice glare is the last thing Belmont sees before she slams her computer shut. “Oh, that little shit. I’ve gotten undressed while fielding his stupid emails!” I press my lips together to keep from laughing, unsure if she’s actually mad or not. Despite her best attempts to bite it back, a smirk works its way free. “I’m so glad I started doing Pilates. Eat your heart out, you dick.” The two of us giggle like high schoolers, the moment far more meaningful to me than it likely is to Mia. I never had any girlfriends growing up, but something tells me that Mia and I are going to be a big part of each other’s lives. Once we descend into silence, I take a steadying breath and ask the question I’m afraid to know the answer to.

“Do you think Belmont is going to find proof of Cantmeir's involvement before they escalate?” I voice quietly, afraid that speaking the words aloud will give them power.

“I think he will.” Mia nods. “But I’m not going to fill your head with false promises. He’s doing everything he can, and if there’s something damning to be found, he’ll find it.” I exhale roughly, appreciative that she’s being straight with me and not sugar-coating anything.

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Veritas has somehow managed to gain the upper hand, yet again. How are people so easily persuaded?” I ponder, truly baffled that anyone would buy the nonsense they’re peddling. “I guess I had this idea in my head that once we made it out of there and were able to tell our truth to the world, we’d have a veritable army at our backs. Because who in their right mind could hear about the atrocities Veritas has committed in the name of some make-believe deity and think to themselves, that’s who I want to support.

“It’s sickening to know that the same evil that existed within that concrete fortress is just as prevalent out here. I always knew it, but it’s harder to grapple with when you’re not expecting it. With Veritas, I knew the score. I didn’t have to question their moral compass or the lengths they’d go to. It was abundantly clear that the depth of their depravity was as deep as the Mariana Trench. Out here, I feel like I’m staring at every person I encounter just a little bit harder, trying to see beneath the surface of how they present themselves and get a glimpse of who they actually are,” I admit, hating that Veritas is still affecting me and turning me into this person who’s distrustful of everyone and everything.

“I think the vast majority of the country condemns Veritas and wants them to be punished to the fullest extent of the law. But some people are just exceedingly susceptible to brainwashing. Maybe it’s due to their upbringing, or they’re simply not right in the head, but their choices are their own, and one day they’ll have to answer for every decision they make that brings harm to another. Don’t let the bad in this world overshadow the good. I know that’s easier said than done with what you’ve gone through, but viewing the majority of the population through a cynical eye because of the actions of a few will only hurt you in the long run. You’re far too good a person to let those assholes dim your shine, Andi,” Mia encourages, and hearing her thoughts on the matter goes a long way in calming the nerve endings that Veritas has left exposed.

“Thanks, Mia.” I slide my arm around her in a half-hug. “It’s easy to lose myself in the gamut of emotions I cycle through on a regular basis, but I’m grateful to have people in my corner who won’t hesitate to reel me back in.”

“You’re stuck with me now,” she jokes, wagging her eyebrows comically.

“Oof,” I groan lightly, cupping my stomach where the baby is seemingly doing somersaults.

“What’s wrong?” Mia stands abruptly, pinning me in place with her panic-stricken eyes. “Do you want me to get Raiden? I should definitely get Raiden,” she rushes out, fluttering her hands nervously.

“Mia!” I whisper-yell, trying to ground her back in reality instead of the cuckoo's nest she’s flown to. “Nothing’s wrong. The baby just kicked an organ or something.”

“Kicked an organ or something?” she monotones. “You say that so blasé, as if the notion of your kid using your insides as a punching bag doesn’t warrant there being something wrong.” Mia shakes her head in disbelief.

“You should feel it from the inside,” I tease, quietly laughing at the look of horror she flashes me.

“Absolutely not,” Mia insists. “I’m favorite aunt material, at best. There will be no fetus sucking the life out of me in my future. The responsibility of gifting our parents grandchildren will solely fall to your and Raiden’s shoulders. But on the bright side, you’ve already gotten started!” she grins maniacally.

I shift from foot to foot, dredging up some confidence, and then ask, “Are you sure they’ll even like me?”

“They’re going to love you,” Mia assures me. “Just be patient with them. They come from a different time, and change can be an adjustment for them. It’ll be a shock at first, but once they realize that Raiden having brother-husbands means the potential for more grandbabies, they’ll become the biggest allies for polyamorous relationships,” Mia jokes, making me choke on the sip of water I’d just taken.

“I think two is plenty for the time being,” I state emphatically. With everything going on, the guys and I haven’t really discussed anything beyond the present. I’m not sure where they stand on the topic of future children. Honestly, I’m not sure where I do either.

“Well, I, for one, am ecstatic to spoil them both. I’ll definitely be the favorite aunt,” Mia brags, lifting her chin haughtily.

Rolling my eyes playfully, I respond, “You’ll be the only aunt, Mia.”

“Semantics.” She shrugs a shoulder, gathering her things and placing the empty wine glass in the dishwasher. “I need to crash for a few hours before Drill Sergeant Astor decides there’s more work to be done.” Releasing a yawn, I nod in agreement, knowing Hudson is going to be awake bright and early.

“Thanks for the chat, Mia. I’m really glad you weren’t some jilted ex of Raiden’s like I first thought you were,” I tell her honestly, grinning at the disgusted look she gives me.

“Ew.” She shivers at the thought, turning to face me as she nears the opening of the hallway. “I’m really glad you and Raiden found one another, Andi. Welcome to the family.”

And then she’s gone, leaving me all alone as tears prick the back of my eyes. But these are happy tears. Ones that make me feel such a deep sense of belonging, the type I’ve never experienced before. And I have the sudden realization that this is what it must feel like to have a home. Not a physical structure with a roof and walls, but a group of people who make even the hardest moments a little more bearable.

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