Page 130 of Stalkers Anonymous

“No,” she interrupts. “No, that’s not what I’m talking about at all. We help people the system doesn’t. More specifically, people who are being stalked, harassed, or assaulted by someone the cops can’t catch and the courts can’t stop.” Her words are calm but I’m having trouble keeping up. “We have endless skills between us. We pool them together and make moves quietly. We do not get caught.”

The room is so still I can hear the traffic on the street outside. But what I cannot hear? My own thoughts. They’re spinning so fast, I can’t focus on a single one.

“So… You’re like…stalker superheroes?” An amused laugh escapes me, but no one else seems to find it funny. Clearing my throat, I decide to take a different approach. “How long has this been going on?”

Jessica is watching me like she isn’t sure she trusts me with the answer, but eventually she says, “A while.”

“Cole.” Tyler’s voice is serious as he steps closer to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I’ve been wanting to. I’ve been watching you try to do the work, watching you get further and further out on a ledge by yourself… There was only so long I could let that go on before I brought you in.”

“I still don’t entirely understand what you’re talking about.” I stand and begin pacing my living room. “You’ve been letting me feel like some creepy stalker, like I’m chasing all of you in recovery, when the entire time you’ve been lying to me?”

“You weren’t ready. You were still trying to convince yourself you weren’t a stalker. You can’t be in this kind of group if you’re still in denial about what kind of person you are. We can’t trust you to follow the rules if you’re still pretending you don’t need them. You are still in recovery; it just looks different than what Tracey wants.”

“And now you think I’m ready?”

“The woman you love is in a hospital bed,” Tyler says flatly, his poker face unwavering when I give him a look that asks how the fuck he even knows that. “You’re ready because if we don’t bring you in, you’re going to do something we can’t cover up.”

I stare at them each individually again, searching for the smallest shred of amusement, but there’s none to be found.

They’re serious.

They’re stalking stalkers.

They’re like…stalkers squared, or stalkers to the fifth power.

I scrounge for an ounce of seriousness to keep my head from spinning too much. “And you want to…help me?”

“We want you to join us. You have skills none of us do, and we could use someone like you. And right now, you need us.”

This is fucking wild.

I knew my recovering stalker buddies were a little…out there. But I never expected this.

Fuck. I do need their help. There’s no better way to hunt down Lars Winters than by utilizing these people.

“Okay, I’m in. Tell me about it.”

Tyler’s posture improves, like he’s surprised I’ve agreed to it without reading the fine print, but the reality is I don’t have time for that right now. Finding Lars Winters will be so much easier with the combined efforts of a group accustomed to learning more about people than they should.

Jessica takes over again, uncrossing her legs and leaning forward, elbows on her knees.

“There are three rules. They’re not negotiable. If you can’t live with all three of them, you walk away today, and you forget you heard any of this, and we go back to seeing each other in the community center basement once a week.”

“I’m listening.”

“Rule one. Tracey Doyle never finds out. Ever. Not a word, not a hint, not a slip at a bad moment. She is a mandated reporter. She is also the person we love most in this room outside of each other. She does not find out about this side of the group. If she ever does, the group ends, and we all go home and pretend none of this happened. There is no version of this where she knows and we keep going.”

I think about Tracey and how she unknowingly told me, two weeks ago, that this was exactly where I belonged.

“Got it. Tracey doesn’t find out.”

Jessica nods. “Rule two. The victim decides. Not us. We do not pick targets. We do not freelance. We do not decide what someone deserves on someone else’s behalf. The person who has been hurt decides what happens to the person who hurt them. We give them options. We carry out whatever plan they choose. If they want their guy left alone, we leave their guy alone. End of conversation.”

“Even if you disagree,” Zach chimes in for the first time.

“Even if we disagree,” I repeat back to him for the group to hear.

The serious tone in Jessica’s voice only hardens further when she continues, “We learned the hard way. That’s the rule we hold onto tightest. The minute we start deciding for people is the moment we stop being different from the people who do harm.”