Page 65 of Catching Feelings

Ryan’s baby blues are cloudy and conflicted. He’s fidgeting, biting his lip—acting nervous. Oh, this is going to be bad. I can’t take any more bombshells. Not this week.

“I know I’ve been acting kind of weird about the summer-kickoff party. I tried to talk to you about it, but you didn’t want to, remember? But I needed to discuss it because…” He pauses for a long, long time. I’m about to grab him by his collar and shake the confession out of him when he heaves a sigh and meets my eyes sheepishly. “I don’t remember what happened there.”

I blink. That is not what I was expecting. “What?”

He nods. “I guess I drank too much? Super embarrassing. I have a reputation to uphold as a man who can handle his liquor. But I must have passed out? The last thing I remember is when we were dancing together… and I ended up on that table?”

I almost laugh as the image of Ryan much earlier in the night comes back to me. He danced on that table, all right. I didn’t know he knew how to salsa, but he sure moved his hips in a way that made me wonder if he should try out ice dancing next. I’ll never tell him, but those moves made me flirt a little harder than was advisable. One thing led to another, and he kept bringing me snacks and coming back with more drinks for himself, and we ended up nose-to-nose in that stairwell, nearly kissing, until…

I’m dragged out of my reminiscence when he says, “So, I kind of assumed we slept together.”

I blanch. “You what?”

He has the good sense to look appropriately shamefaced. “I mean, it just made sense, right? You and me… two hot, popular Hamilton Lakes rising seniors… And the next thing I knew, I woke up and found you in my bed.” He tries for a grin, waggling his eyebrows. “I had to fill in the blanks.”

“So you assumed the absolute most?” My voice pierces the quiet night, undisturbed even by passing cars at this hour.

I’m loud enough that Tyler looks over from his spot a ways down the road, where he’s on hold with the tow truck. Giving us privacy.

I flush thinking of Tyler getting this alternate version of events. Does he know that’s what we’re talking about right now?

Ryan cringes. “Yeah, I’m beginning to see how that was a mistake. I mean—” He puffs himself up again, trying to clown his way out of this. “Most girls would be thrilled to have such a memory—even if it’s, um, not entirely accurate—”

“Or entirely made up?!” I throw my hands in the air, face aflame and heart racing.

I do not yell at people. I do not make a fuss. I do not let my emotions get the better of me. But tonight that changes. Tonight I’m going to be 100 percent honest with Ryan, and not worry about his feelings over mine. Because doing the opposite is what got us into this position in the first place.

I take a step forward, squaring my shoulders. “So, you kept wanting to talk because you couldn’t remember? You should’ve just said so! And then I could have told you that you kissed me—”

“Was it good?” he asks eagerly, but snaps his mouth shut when I throw him a death glare.

“—and then you turned green, and I barely got you to the toilet in time for you to not throw up all over my new sundress.” I cross my arms and glare. “And then you slept on the bathroom floor. You have me to thank for the pillow.”

I pause, waiting with eyebrows raised. After a moment, Ryan startles, muttering, “Thank you.”

I nod, satisfied. “So, I slept in your bed, duh. Where else was there to sleep? But it was all very awkward, and honestly, I never should have kissed you in the first place, but I was pretty vulnerable at the end of the year!” I take a deep, calming breath so I can deliver my final message as clearly and kindly as possible. “I don’t have those kinds of feelings for you, Ryan. And no offense, but you were such a mess that night that you kind of proved me right, you know?”

He frowns and looks off into the distance. But he nods.

“And then you kept texting over the summer with no acknowledgment of what had happened. No apology! That was my end-of-year party too, you know, and I had enough to worry about already. Frankly, I would’ve loved for someone to notice I wasn’t myself and take care of me. I didn’t need to spend my night watching you for alcohol poisoning! I was kinda pissed, to be honest.” I prop my hands on my hips. Letting out the anger actually feels really… good. “So. That’s why I haven’t wanted to talk to you this fall. And then I met Tyler, and…”

I trail off. And I wanted something real? And I didn’t want this to mess things up with him? And hanging out with Tyler was originally to keep something complicated and messy away from me, but then it turned out to be the thing I was running toward?

I don’t know how to finish my sentence. Especially not with the silhouette of Tyler’s broad shoulders just a few yards away, deliberately not listening.

“I couldn’t risk making my life complicated again,” I finish in a whisper. “Sure, we should’ve told you. But I was afraid it would make everything so awkward at school, or that you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore, and it might ruin all my Spirit Committee work, and—” I swallow hard. “I needed this year to go perfectly.”

“Wow.” Ryan has a more serious look in his eyes than I’ve ever seen. It’s a little too knowing. “That is even more embarrassing than I initially thought. And it is completely my fault. I am so, so sorry.”

And then he knees on the gravel beside the road. “Ryan,” I hiss. “What the hell are you doing?”

He looks up at me, eyes wide. “Groveling. Graveling. Are those words related? It just seems appropriate, you know—”

“Get up.” I roll my eyes and drag him to his feet.

For a moment, he doesn’t let go of my hand. Just holds it between his, looking at me softly. “I really am sorry, Sabrina. You know, Haley was telling me that no one is going to take me seriously if I don’t act like I want to be. I’m starting to realize what she meant.”

I study his face. I can actually see the shift there. Can imagine him reforming, and the thought makes me smile. I never thought I’d see the day.