Page 34 of Hate You to Love You

He points towards a vacant lot in the corner of the forum. ‘See that old shop with the smashed window? It used to be this amazing candy store. It had a resin floor with real candy in it – I thought it was so magical. My father used to take me and my siblings there after dinner as a treat.’

‘I’ve only been here a few times,’ I tell him. The old forum had once been the crown jewel of Sydney’s Little Italy, a thriving community hub with authentic Italian restaurants and businesses. But soaring rent prices and a lack of investment from the local government had caused a steady decline.

‘Why did you want to show me this place?’ I ask.

Elliot turns toward me. ‘The other day, you were telling me about everyone deserving happiness. It got me thinking about how there’s been a lot in my life that I’ve been unhappy with. My family for one. Like I said, my parents are top surgeons. My brother runs a successful design firm and my sister is a lawyer. So, no one was thrilled when I told them I wanted to work in books.’

‘Did they say so?’ The thought of having parents who weren’t supportive was lost on me. My own parents had always encouraged me to pursue my dreams.

‘Nothing directly at first. They used to do this comparison thing with my siblings whenever I mentioned my achievements at work. I’d tell them about an exciting author I got assigned or a campaign that did really well, and they’d change the topic to my sister’s latest case. After a while they made it clear they didn’t think my job was “real work”. That they think I’m just chasing a hobby instead of applying myself to something serious.’

‘I’m sure that deep down they love you, no matter what they say about your job.’

Elliot scans the forum and sighs. ‘My sister has been living in Melbourne for the past couple of years. But she took a new job at a Sydney law firm recently, so she’s moving her husband and kids back to town. I’m excited to have her back, but it’s hard watching the way my parents praise all her success. It always makes me feel like I’m not enough.’

My heart aches for Elliot. He’s so passionate about books. And to have his parents treat his passion and purpose as a waste of time… I can see how much it’s hurting him. To me, he’s extraordinary. The way he speaks about fiction and authors is inspiring. Plenty of people love reading, but no one loves books more than Elliot – he understands what it means for an author to pour their heart and soul into the words.

‘I’m sorry, Elliot. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to not have people who are meant to love you unconditionally not support you. But look at everything you’ve achieved on your own so far. It sounds like you’re doing incredible things at work. You should be proud of yourself and know that if you keep going after the things that matter most to you in life, the right people will come along. And you know what, the right people will stay.’

‘You think so?’ he asks shakily.

‘I know so. I left high school without any friends, and when I first started university, it seemed like everyone around me had seamlessly found their people. I started to worry that I might have to go through this phase of my life without anyone by my side. But when the time was right, I found Jones, Sal and Laney.’

‘You left high school without any friends?’ he asks.

I shrug and roll my eyes. ‘I bet you were Mr Popular. Let me guess, school captain?’

‘None of that stuff matters now. I didn’t mean it to come out that way, it’s just… I don’t have many friends either.’

As Elliot says this, it dawns on me that despite him talking about his parents and the odd acquaintance, I don’t know many people from his personal life. I guess I didn’t realise it meant he was lonely.

‘Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got a few friends from uni. I get the occasional drink with colleagues, but I’ve never really found a group of people that I felt comfortable sharing my life with. My own family didn’t seem to think I was ever good enough, so what was the point in opening up to other people? Sometimes I’m worried people will find some flaw in me and leave.’

‘You’ve opened up to me,’ I say to comfort him. ‘I’m still here.’

‘It’s different with you. You listen. Being around you makes me look for things that make me happy.’

‘And that’s the thing,’ I continue making my point. ‘I found where I belong and I’m better off for it, even if I don’t talk to anyone from high school anymore.’

‘Did not having friends in high school have anything to do with being gay?’

I choke up a little at the memories.

‘Sorry,’ Elliot says, backtracking. ‘I shouldn’t have assumed.’

‘No, it’s okay,’ I say. ‘You’re not wrong. I didn’t come out to my friends and family until my last year of high school. After so many years of my dad showing me romantic comedies, it hit me that I was never going to find my own happily ever after if I wasn’t honest with myself about who I was attracted to. My parents were more understanding than I could have ever imagined. They told me that they loved me for me, and that my being gay didn’t change anything. But my friends… as soon as I told them, things changed.’

‘Were they homophobic?’ Elliot frowns.

‘That’s the thing, not openly. They said they completely supported me when I first told them. But as the months went on, they started to get distant. I was iced out of group hangs. Each of them stopped talking to me unless it was something school-related. Eventually their lives went on as a group without me. One of them reached out to me about a year after we graduated and apologised for their behaviour. He admitted that because we were at an all-boys school, I’d made things awkward by coming out. I accepted the apology, but by then I’d moved on. Becoming friends with Jones, Sal and Laney made me realise the importance of true friends who show up for you.’

Elliot nods thoughtfully. ‘You’re pretty lucky to have the friends that you do now.’

‘You’re right, I have a lot to be grateful for,’ I admit. ‘I’m really sorry about your parents, though. Did they give you a hard time about being gay?’

‘No. Never. I’ll give them credit for that. I didn’t realise I was gay until I was at university and caught feelings for a guy in one of my tutes. That rush of a crush was something I’d never felt for a woman. When I started casually dating, I didn’t want to hide it from my parents, so I told them. I thought sharing a piece of who I am might change the way they treated me.’

‘That’s pretty brave,’ I tell him.