Page 58 of Hate You to Love You

I miss the version of me that had believed in that kind of love. When was the last time I had watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? Every time Matthew McConaughey looked at Kate Hudson in the yellow dress in awe, it had made me feel certain that true love existed. If they could forgive each other for messing up, maybe love was worth fighting for sometimes. But now I know that’s not how life works. That’s the problem. These movies always stop at what we believe are the happy endings. But what happens after? What happens when real life kicks in?

‘I don’t know if that’s true. When life got hard, I always found comfort in your certainty that whether we liked it or not, destiny and fate was all around us. Nothing was ever accidental, because life would always take us to exactly where we needed to be.’

Elliot’s words hurt in a way I wasn’t expecting. The old Carlos – the one who used to believe in love and fate – is just as much of a stranger to me as this new Elliot is.

‘Well, I’m not so certain anymore,’ I tell Elliot. ‘I grew out of all that, I’m a different person now. You’re a different person. People change. We move on. That’s what the movies get wrong.’

Elliot stays silent. I can feel my lips trembling with emotion and I jump up from the ground, brushing my eyes roughly with the sleeve of my coat. I’m in London, interviewing Claudia Leighton, sitting in Notting Hill, and all I can think about is how much I wish I could turn back time. ‘We should get going. We’ve got an early flight in the morning.’

‘Carlos, I—’ Elliot stands up.

‘What?’

‘Nothing,’ he sighs. ‘Nothing, just… can we call a truce?’

‘Only if you promise that we won’t let our past get in the way anymore.’

Elliot looks down to the ground, his mouth opening as if on the verge of saying something. There’s a glimmer of doubt on his face. But then he raises his head to meet my gaze and says, ‘I’m willing to move on and make peace if you are.’

He holds out his hand for me to shake. I take it without hesitating, telling myself that I genuinely mean what I’ve told him. That I’m truly ready to move on.

When Elliot left for London, I told myself I would never believe in love again. Building a wall around my heart would save me from being hurt ever again. And I’d been scared that seeing him again might break down that wall. But focusing on a professional relationship with Elliot, and nothing more, was a way forward.

Our hands snap apart, and we begin making our way back to Portobello Road. As we do, I look over my shoulder and get one last glimpse of the blue door. I tell myself that it’s okay that seeing it didn’t make me happy. I had to learn to move forward. To forget about the past.

chapter twenty-six

then

Planning the trip with Elliot and my parents takes over my whole life for the next few months. I pick up as many shifts at Dusk on the side of writing at Sparked as I can to save money, and together we get to work on an itinerary. We settle on doing a month-long trip around the US for The Great Rom-Com Pilgrimage.

‘If we’re flying directly into Los Angeles we might as well add Disneyland to the schedule since we’re nearby,’ I suggest one evening.

We’re sitting around the dining room table at my parent’s house. Elliot is saving places we want to visit on Google Maps, while Mum and Dad have opted for a physical map that they’ve spread out in front of us.

‘Don’t forget, Disneyland is technically in another city,’ Mum says, circling a spot in Orange County.

‘Oh, we learnt that the hard way when we visited,’ Dad says with a chuckle. ‘Over two hundred dollars for a taxi from LAX to Anaheim. And that was in American dollars!’

I spot the daggers Mum shoots him.

‘Why are you looking at me like it’s my fault?’ he replies playfully.

Mum giggles. ‘You know why, Angelo.’

As the two of them reminiscence, Elliot pushes his laptop in front of me. ‘I compared a few hotels and it’s actually cheaper if we connect in LAX on the way in, fly directly to Chicago and go from there. We can stop by Los Angeles on the way back to Australia.’

‘Then we can do all the While You Were Sleeping locations,’ I add excitedly.

‘Oh! I’ve always wanted to ride the L train,’ Mum says.

Dad perks up from the other end of the table. ‘We are most definitely recreating the movie poster.’

Elliot turns the laptop to face Dad, whose brown eyes sparkle at the idea of Chicago. ‘We can ride one of the boats down the river just like in My Best Friend’s Wedding. Plus, I’ve always wanted to try the Chicago-style pizza,’ Elliot suggests.

‘I’m glad you’re coming with us,’ Dad tells Elliot. ‘I’m really happy Carlos has found someone who celebrates life just as much as he does.’

Elliot lights up with a smile, placing his arm over my shoulder and pulling me in close to him. ‘I’ve never done anything like this before. It’s exciting. Plus, think of all the cafes we can visit.’