Page 79 of Hate You to Love You

‘You might be the most frustrating person I met, but I don’t want to let another day go by without you in my life.’

He remains silent, but smiles before pulling me in for another kiss. Heat pulsates across my entire body, and I lean into the comfortable familiarity of his touch.

Slowly, Elliot pulls me into the room, our hands still entwined. As we reach the bed, his free hand travels up my shirt, and he grabs me by the collar. He kisses my neck, and I reach down to the waist of his pyjamas to undo the drawstring. His kisses travel up my neck until his lips reach mine again and we both fall back onto the bed. Past the point of no return.

chapter thirty-seven

Light falls through the hotel window, slowly coaxing me awake. Bedsheets are tangled up between my legs. I turn over, and my eyes find Elliot’s face. He is still in a deep sleep. Our night together makes everything feel weightless, unreal.

‘Hey,’ he says in a raspy voice, slowly waking.

My eyes trace the chaos of his hair. ‘Your bed hair is insane,’ I say with a chuckle.

He laughs, taking his hand and running it through my hair. ‘So is yours.’

His smile has an alluring pull that draws me in.

‘Are you okay?’ he asks.

‘Of course. Why?’

‘I just don’t want you to regret what happened last night.’

I smile. ‘The only thing I would’ve regretted was not saying anything.’

He lets out a sigh of relief and tugs me into an embrace. I close my eyes in contentment. This is all I ever wanted. Just the two of us. The world feels so overwhelming and lonely at the best of times, sometimes all you need is that one person who is there for you.

Our peaceful morning ends with the sharp blare of Elliot’s alarm. He bolts up, quickly reaching for his phone on the bedside table.

‘Everything all right?’ I ask.

‘Yeah,’ he brushes off my concern as he checks his phone. ‘This tour just has me on edge.’

My heart drops. ‘You should’ve told me how much all this was affecting you.’

‘It’s okay. This anxiety is something I have to live with now. Sometimes the worst part is knowing that it’s made me such a different person. I don’t feel like Elliot Simpson anymore.’

I take my hand and brush a strand of hair out of his eyes.

‘I thought that by controlling every little detail at work, I’d learn how to keep on top of the panic. But obsessing over everything just made it worse. It’s like it changed who I was as a person.’

‘I get that,’ I tell him. ‘We spend our whole lives trying to figure ourselves out and where we belong, and we think that finding a place and people who see us enough for us to be whole means we get that happily ever after. We forget that life keeps going, the good and the bad.’

He closes his eyes and smiles, shifting his head forward so that his forehead meets mine. ‘Sometimes I just want to live in the moment again’

I give Elliot a soft kiss. ‘Then maybe we should just focus on what we have in this moment.’

‘I wish my brain still worked like that,’ he says before pulling away and walking towards the wardrobe to grab his clothes. ‘I can’t even remember the last time I wasn’t worrying about everything that could go wrong.’

I gently grab Elliot’s hand and spin him back towards me. ‘Let’s not let time pass us by anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say anything to stop the anxiety, but maybe I can help. Even just for a little bit.’

‘How?’

‘What are three things that you can see now?’

He smiles. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Find tangible things to concentrate on for a moment. Like, objects, anything. So, what can you see?’