Page 83 of Hate You to Love You

Moira reappears at the stage door and gives us a thumbs up. ‘If you two want to take a seat, there’s a couple of reserved spots for you in the front row,’ she says.

We follow her towards our seats. The inside of the hall is beautiful, grand and theatrical. Sandstone columns are scattered throughout the venue, and the gorgeous domed roof is covered in intricate artwork.

Moira walks onto the stage and starts speaking. ‘Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to the launch of the Edinburgh Literature Fair. Every year, we aim to create a space in this city that celebrates authors, literature and ideas. With over a hundred events featuring local and international talent, our festival has the potential to foster creativity and new ways of thinking, and to introduce you to a community of writers and readers who nurture the literary arts.’

As Moira continues to share the aims of the festival, a weightlessness spreads over me and I relax into the moment. This is it. This is the feeling I have been searching for.

‘It brings me great pleasure,’ Moria adds, ‘to welcome Claudia Leighton to launch this year’s festival.’

Elliot grips the edge of my seat nervously, so I place my hand over his. The audience breaks out into enthusiastic applause. Someone even cheers from the back row when Claudia steps onto the stage.

The cheers and applause become deafening as she makes her way to centre stage. When she reaches the lectern, Claudia scans the entire room, and everyone suddenly goes silent. The audience holds their breath, waiting for Claudia to speak.

Her eyes find me, and I give her another supportive nod.

A nod back signals that maybe she really is ready to face this. That’s what life is like, I’ve come to realise. Never finding the right time, and learning to go ahead anyway.

Claudia clears her throat and leans in towards the mic. ‘So, it’s been a while.’

There’s a second of silence after she makes her introductory joke. But it’s followed by a wave of laughter, which cuts through the tension in the room.

‘I want to thank Redhouse Publishing and the festival organisers for finding a way to get me here. I certainly haven’t been the easiest author to work with, which makes me appreciate their care and effort even more.’

Elliot loosens his tight grip on the armrest as he leans back in his chair, letting his shoulders relax.

‘Speaking of appreciation, this is where I’d like to thank every single one of you sitting in this room. I would not be where I am today without the readers who have loved my books, so thank you. I used to write about a fantasy world where—’ Claudia pauses again, taking a deep breath that echoes over the speakers. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispers softly into the microphone.

There are murmurs in the audience. Elliot and I look at each other, nervous.

‘I’m here to talk about my new book. I thought I was going to come up here and give you an elevator pitch. In the speech I have written down I follow that up by connecting my writing to the theme of this year’s festival. But I don’t want this tour to just be about good publicity or selling books. Over the past few weeks, I’ve realised I need to be more authentic to myself.’

There’s fear in Claudia’s eyes as she speaks her truth, but also relief.

‘I used to write about a fantasy world to escape from this one. And for a long time, that world brought me so much joy and comfort. I have reason to believe that it did the same thing for a lot of other people, and that’s something I’m really proud of. But when I wrote my first book for adults, I was doing something very different. I was trying to process and understand my own reality instead of escaping it. My latest book, These Days, is about how it feels to lose someone you love…’

My heart aches, and the way her words resonate in my soul forces me to give Elliot a sorrowful look.

‘His name was Stephen, and I loved him.’

The audience is completely silent.

‘But he was more than the love I felt for him. He was a good man. My best friend. And These Days is about getting through the pain of losing him,’ she continues, her voice on the verge of breaking.

‘So, if my books can give me a sense of comfort and closure, I can only hope that they will do the same for others. Thank you for connecting with my words. And welcome to this year’s festival,’ Claudia ends her commencement address with a beaming smile. One by one, people get up from their seats to give her a standing ovation. I look over at Elliot, who jumps up from his chair, holding his hands above his head as he cheers for Claudia.

Claudia leaves the stage, but the excited chatter from the crowd continues as everyone begins to rush outside to reserve their spot in the signing queue.

‘Well, that couldn’t have gone any better,’ I say in Elliot’s ear as we head through the crowd to find Claudia.

He grins at me. ‘Yeah. For once, everything is okay.’ He halts.

‘Elliot?’ I ask.

He breaks out into a big smile and then puts his hands on my hips. A surge of excitement ignites my skin as he pulls me in towards him for a kiss. I shut my eyes and kiss him right back. Suddenly, we hear someone clear their throat and we break apart.

‘Sorry gentlemen,’ Moira interrupts. ‘The signing is about to begin and we’ll need to limit the line,’ she informs Elliot. ‘Did you want to be by Claudia preparing the books, or taking people’s names in the line?’

‘Of course,’ Elliot says, his voice giddy as he turns to me. ‘You should probably say goodbye to Claudia. I don’t think you’ll get another chance to see her again. She’s sticking around the UK for a bit.’