Page 88 of Roses & Ruin

“I’m gonna say it. Rose is solidly nineteen.” She looks over at me, her eyes glistening. “I think it’s time we plan your birthday party. Finally get you a cake.”

“Yeah?” I lift Winston from my lap and set him on the mattress. His lavender collar tinkles when he shakes. I look at Hayden, whose eyes are swimming.

“Yeah. Don’t you think, Hay?” Delia asks gently. Hopefully.

Hayden lets out a long, shaky exhale. Finally, he whispers, “Okay.”

I run to him, and he pulls me so close and tight, burying his face in my hair.

“God.” He cradles the back of my skull, and his breath hitches. “God, Rose, I…”

Delia throws her arms around us, and we all dissolve into tears. Behind us, Winston’s bell tinkles and I hear something clatter to the floor. I cry harder, laughing, pulling Delia and Hayden close.

—

For the first time in this life, I wake up before Hayden. I think I’m just excited. Tonight, I’m spending the night at Delia’s new place. Tomorrow, I’m having my very first birthday party in this life, my very first nineteenth birthday party in all my lives. And then next week, Hayden, Delia, Winston, and I are flying to meet my parents at a cabin in the Rocky Mountains to spend Christmas vacation.

I pinch myself once more, because all of this is too perfect. Too blissful. I feel the tiny sting of pain, but I don’t wake up. This is real. I’m here, in bed with Hayden Caldwell.

After we realized that the curse truly, truly had been broken, Hayden’s ravenous need returned with a vengeance. He had refused to let his guard down before. But now? Now it feels like he’s trying to make up for lost time.

God, ever since we first shared a bed, I have wanted to see him soft with sleep. Vampires don’t often doze off, so it’s rare. But sometimes, if they’re feeling safe enough to let their guard down, they let themselves. Ever since he first told me that, I’ve wanted to catch him.

I’ve wanted to see what that perfect face looks like so still. I’ve wanted to see his brow, for once, smooth and unbothered. I’ve wanted to see if he had moles or freckles or acne scars. I’ve wanted to see every little atom of him and confirm what I already know to be true: that Hayden is empirically, objectively, undeniably flawless.

Quiet as I can, I sit up, simply staring. He’s not wearing a shirt. It always comes off at some point in the night. I’m usually the one who yanks it off of him. We both usually end up without our clothes, slumped against each other in panting wonder.

Hayden’s hair is a glossy onyx in the gray morning light filtering through the window of his bedroom. His hair is a tangled mess. That’s my fault. It makes him go crazy when I bury my fingers in the roots and hold on for dear life.

Hayden’s lips look puffy this morning, slack in sleep. So, so beautiful. Have I seen his face so peaceful? There’s always something going on, isn’t there? Some hidden, lurking heat in those eyes, always unreadable.

But now, he looks…

Like a fallen angel.

Reaching out as slow and quiet as possible, I brush a lock of hair from his forehead with my pinky. I want to touch his eyebrows, feel how soft or wiry the hair is there. I want to touch him everywhere, but I don’t want to risk waking him.

Yet.

I slither down the bed carefully until I’m level with his bare knees.

Hayden’s a boxer-brief vampire. I had no idea I had a preference, but…yeah. Turns out I’m a boxer-brief girl. These are a gleaming black, silky and expensive.

“Would you ever like it if I kissed you awake?” I asked him a couple nights ago. Hayden was playing with my fingers, gazing at my pinky nail like he was appraising a diamond.

“Yes,” he simply said.

“Where?”

Hayden went still. Slowly, he brought my pinky to his mouth.

“Everywhere,” he said.

I keep that in mind and drop my mouth to plant a soft kiss on his knee. I glance up, holding my breath. Hayden is still. Smiling to myself, I kiss up the outside of his thigh.

How does he smell so good everywhere? Clean soap, but below that, the cinnamon-smoke smell. It’s gotten even more delicious ever since he drank my blood. Like he’s now especially only for me.

I’m to the middle of his thigh. I kiss once, and Hayden’s leg stirs. I freeze, glancing up at Hayden. He’s still. Unmoving.