Page 76 of How to Start a Scandal

But he had to know.

He shook his head. ‘Please don’t say no just yet, Violet. Please take a moment to consider my proposal.’ He folded his other hand over hers. ‘I’m not asking because we were caught in a compromising position. I’m asking because I want to marry you. Because I care greatly for you. I have no desire to wed anyone but you. You’re unlike any other woman of the ton in all the best ways.’

He cared greatly for her? He might as well have plunged a dagger into her chest. Her throat went tight with the ache inside her ribs.

She pulled her hand from his and bit her lip. ‘Not all the best ways. I’m not...’

The words stuck fast in her throat and welled there, practically choking her.

‘If you’re not ready, we can have a long engagement.’ He offered her a small smile, one that flicked up at the corners in a brief show of nerves. ‘I’d thought to procure a special licence if you wished to wed before the Season ends, but if you’d prefer to wait, we can.’

She shook her head and swallowed. ‘Seth, I... I’m not a virgin.’

His brow furrowed. ‘I beg your pardon.’

‘It was the night of my debut.’ Her words caught. ‘I was in that hideous dress my mother made me wear due to my failure and...’ She slid her gaze away, hating to admit Seth’s part in that night. ‘You had just left. I assumed you thought me ugly and, well, my heart was shattered to bits. There was a gentleman who comforted me and asked if he might dance with me that evening.’

Seth watched her silently as she spoke, his face absent of any expression she could use to gauge his emotions.

‘He was charming.’ She sighed at her own foolish younger self. ‘He said all the right things. He...’

‘He what?’ There was a sharpness to Seth’s tone.

‘He made me feel beautiful.’ A warm tear trickled down Violet’s cheek at the admission. ‘All my life, I had been made to feel as though I was unattractive—too fat. My mother, my sisters...’

‘Me,’ Seth said quietly.

Violet kept her head lowered, unable to look at him as she nodded silently. ‘He was the only person who ever said things that made me feel as though I was something more than a frumpy woman. I thought him in love with me, I assumed he was of a mind to marry me, but I was too afraid to ask. As though I might break a spell somehow woven over this man who was far too attractive to be drawn to someone like me. I was desperate to do anything to keep his attention.’

She sat on the sofa. ‘When it was done, he left immediately. He didn’t call upon me the following day or the one after that. When next we saw one another, he treated me with a cool, cordial politeness that indicated what I had been suspecting, what I’d been fearing the most.’

She swallowed in an attempt to clear the hurt from her throat, but it did little good. ‘He had used me.’ She fingered the edge of a ribbon on her gown. ‘I knew myself to be ruined and so I allowed myself to melt into the background. If no one paid me any notice, I would never have to share my secret. I could remain quietly ruined and no one would be any the wiser.’

It was the first time she’d spoken the truth aloud. Hearing it in her own ears made her realise how absolutely pathetic it truly was. She covered her face with her hands, not wanting to see Seth, or the obnoxiously sunny yellow room. She didn’t want to face any of it. Least of all herself.

The cushion shifted beside her and the familiar scent of warm male and shaving soap told her Seth was at her side.

‘Violet.’ He said her name softly.

She scrunched her eyes and kept her face down towards the carpet. Every part of her was scraped raw by finally exposing the truth. Her eyes were gritty from lack of sleep and barely contained tears. She wanted nothing more than to be left alone, to throw herself upon her bed and weep until her eyes ran dry.

His fingers brushed her cheek, turning her face towards him. She kept her eyes closed, as though somehow that might prepare her for his rejection.

‘Open your eyes,’ he said.

She did as he asked and held her breath, fearful of what would follow.

Seth’s heartbeat slammed in his chest and his thoughts reeled. Of all the reasons he’d suspected Violet had let herself fade away, being ruined was not one of them.

Violet watched him, her wide blue eyes fixed on him with a cautious trust, hesitant hope. Tears left her lashes spiked and cheeks wet.

She looked so vulnerable that he wanted to curl her into his arms to protect her for ever.

He had done that to her. By not dancing with her that night. He’d made her feel as though he thought she was so unappealing that he’d rather leave than spend a single moment with her. He had pushed her into that man’s arms. Whoever it might be.

Ice chilled his blood.

He knew exactly who it might be. His mother’s words prior to Seth receiving the missive summoning him to Hollingston House flew back in his mind. Something regarding William and Violet.