Page 67 of How to Wed a Courtesan

Evander hugged Lottie to him, wishing he could go back to that day and be the one to help her through such grief.

‘Are you ready to say farewell now?’ Evander asked.

Lottie pulled in a deep breath and tears filled her eyes.

‘I want to thank you,’ Evander said. ‘You’ve given me the greatest gift today in letting me know Lily. You were both parents when she had only one.’

He pulled her into his arms, and she allowed herself to be folded in his embrace against him.

‘Thank you for coming here, for wanting to know her.’ Lottie looked up, her lashes spiked with tears. ‘She would have adored you. As I do.’

Evander stroked a hand down Lottie’s cheek. ‘I love you, Lottie. I always will.’

She pulled in a soft breath.

Something in his chest constricted as he recalled her fears about coming to the cottage: that she might relive all her anger and resentment towards him for having left her.

He would never fault her for such feelings. Most especially after learning about what had transpired in his absence.

‘I understand why you have been hesitant to trust me, why it’s so difficult for you to open your heart to me.’ He lowered his head to hers and spoke gently.

She sniffled and looked down at the grave.

‘I would give every last shilling I have to undo the past,’ he said. ‘To have been here with you.’

She returned her attention to him. ‘You didn’t know I was with child.’

‘My God, Lottie, I’m so sorry.’ His heart felt as though a fist were squeezing it, forcing out every drop of hurt. ‘You told me not to go and I did anyway. I left you alone to face all this with no one. I’m so, so sorry.’

Emotion choked off his apology. It didn’t matter. Words could never undo his horrible error of judgment.

She caught his hands in hers. ‘I forgive you for leaving. You left because you wanted me to have a good life. You didn’t know about Lily. You didn’t know what I was going through.’

‘I should have written more, ensured my letters got through—’

Lottie reached up and touched his cheek. ‘You couldn’t have known. This is not your fault.’ Her eyes searched his, clear and honest and filled with affection. ‘Evander, I forgive you. And I...’ She swallowed hard. ‘I love you.’

At the admission, she pressed herself against him in an embrace once more.

She loved him.

She forgave him.

Two magnanimous gifts he didn’t deserve. Yet those two things above all else were what he craved most in this world. He held her tight until a chill touched the air as the light of day began to fade.

Lottie shivered in his arms.

‘Shall we return to London?’ Evander asked.

Lottie nodded against his chest and allowed him to guide her in the opposite direction, towards the cottage. After only several steps, Lottie stopped and turned back.

This time when she approached the grave he held back, remaining where he stood for several minutes as Lottie knelt in the grass before the statue and bent towards it.

No doubt finally saying her farewells.

When she returned, tears shone on her cheeks. She brushed them away and took his arm to be led to the waiting carriage. They shared a bench the entire way back to London, taking comfort in the closeness of one another.

Finally, they arrived at her townhouse. She turned to him before the footman opened the door and parted her lips in preparation to speak. He hoped she might invite him inside, that the quiet peace of being with her didn’t have to come to an end.