Page 71 of How to Wed a Courtesan

‘You did that to survive. For—’

‘They don’t care about the reason.’ Her tone was flat, resigned.

‘Why should their opinion of you matter?’ he demanded.

‘Because you’re right—I do love you.’ Lottie looked helplessly out the window to the garden, where rain pattered over the heavy rose blossoms. ‘I can’t bear the thought of your good family name being ruined because of my tarnished reputation.’

‘Lottie, please.’ He reached for her hand, setting the box against her palm. ‘I love you. I’ve loved you since—’

‘Since the Bedfordshire ball—I know.’ She glanced down at the box in her hand, toying lightly at one corner with her thumbnail. ‘But I’m not that young woman any more. There’s nothing of her left in me.’

In a slow motion that threatened to tear his heart from his chest, she extended the ring box back towards him. Returning it.

Rejection.

He stepped back, refusing to accept it. ‘Tomorrow,’ he said. ‘Think on it and give me your answer tomorrow.’

‘It won’t change,’ Lottie said sadly.

‘Think on it,’ he said again. ‘At least promise me that.’

She pulled the box back towards her and folded it in her hand. At last, she nodded. ‘I will think on it.’

Evander breathed a sigh of relief. For now. Tomorrow might truly bring the same answer again. If that were to happen...

He gritted his teeth, resolved not even to think it. She had to say yes. It would be foolish not to when two people loved each other as they did.

Now all he needed was a miracle to convince her.

Chapter Twenty-Two

June 1816

Lottie stared down at the small diamond ring, her heart hammering in her chest. Evander would be back tomorrow for her answer.

But how could she say anything but no?

The door to the drawing room opened.

‘All red roses,’ Sarah said wistfully.

Lottie’s head snapped up as her maid entered the drawing room with the large bouquet of red roses in a crystal vase.

Sarah’s perceptive gaze settled on the ring. ‘I’ve seen that before.’

Of course she recognised it. She had been the one to keep it safe while Lottie was with her protectors. Never had she allowed herself to wear that ring around any other man. At least not in any intimate setting. And when her time was her own, it had hung on the chain or been on her finger.

‘You are not glowing with delight.’ Sarah frowned. ‘Please tell me you did not refuse him.’

‘I didn’t.’ Lottie folded the ring in her hand. The metal was cool against her palm. ‘Or at least he wouldn’t allow me to. He asked me to think on it and I promised him that I would.’

‘And will you?’ Sarah set the roses on the table beside the irises and white tulips, her head tilted in assessment.

‘How can I marry him?’ Lottie demanded. ‘How can I let him destroy his family’s good name by being with me? I’ve told you how I’ve been spoken to. Evander will be treated thus as well. His mother too. I cannot do that. Not when...’

‘Not when you love him so much,’ Sarah finished for her. ‘I know, lovey. I know... But you would be happy with him.’

‘But would he be happy with me?’ Lottie asked bitterly. ‘When his friends turn on him and his associates no longer want to do business with him? When his mother is ostracised by her friends? When he...’ her voice grew husky ‘...when he hears stories of the men I shared company with?’