Page 44 of The Earl’s Hoyden

Jillian’s father was to host a ball in a week, one of the grandest of the season, or so it was rumored. For her part, Jillian did not care, as it was to be an announcement of her betrothal to the Duke of Dudley. Or, as she called it, the death knell.

Everyone who was anyone in London society would be there, meaning Lucien would also be in attendance.

Except that the ball was another week away. Hannah flopped dramatically on her bed. How could she possibly wait an entire week to see him again?

Of course, there was still another volume of Pride and Prejudice to send him, which would require a note. It was the perfect opportunity for a reason to write him and—better still—one for him to respond.

Even as she knew she should not, that she ought to embrace his chilly silence, she sent a servant to obtain a copy of the second volume while she set to work writing a missive.

If there had been a pile of wadded paper before, the heap was a veritable tower now. At last, she had the perfect thing to say. Or so she hoped.

Lucien,

I trust this gift finds you much recovered from whatever ailed you at our dinner party. It was good of you to attend, and our conversation was enjoyable as always. I anticipate seeing you at Lady Jillian’s ball next week, but in the meantime, I thought you might enjoy the next volume in Pride and Prejudice. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the story.

With sincerity,

Hannah

Perhaps it had been bold to use their Christian names, but it felt right to do so. That and she wanted to heighten the intimacy with the familiar names even as she was aware, deep down, she should refrain.

She held onto the book and the note for an entire day before finally giving them to Mary and hastening her maid from the room to deliver them before she changed her mind. An act she immediately regretted once she knew they were likely in his hands.

The knowledge was bittersweet. She had done it, nudging the exchange between them into motion once more. And yet, she was plagued by fear every moment thereafter.

The wait for a reply from Lucien was interminable. It did not arrive that afternoon, but the following morning after breakfast, Mary entered the room with something tucked behind her back.

Hannah’s heart missed a beat as she bolted upright, the book she’d been reading flung aside in her haste without an opportunity to note the page number. “Have I received a response from Lord Brightstone? Why did Jones not deliver it at breakfast this morning with the rest of my father’s correspondence?”

Mary’s face fell. “You will not like what I’ve brought you.”

Hannah shook her head, not understanding. At least, not until Mary approached the bed and withdrew what she had been holding behind her back. It was the second volume of Pride and Prejudice and Hannah’s note to Lucien.

She took both with trembling hands and turned the envelope, revealing the seal was still intact. He hadn’t been bothered to break the thick layer of wax. The letter she had painstakingly worded had not even been read.

The rejection of her gift stung as viscerally as she’d expected it would. This was why the letter never ought to have been sent in the first place. And why she should never have placed herself in such a place of vulnerability.

The pain was deep and unforgiving, where it lodged in her chest like fire.

It was not simply the sorrow of imagining never again being kissed by him or experiencing his strong embrace as they danced. The loss was truly for the man himself. For his sweet, shy, awkward nature, for the knowledge he possessed, and the way conversation flowed so readily between them.

At that moment, she realized that she would rather have Lucien as a friend than not have him in her life at all.

10

Hannah took more care than usual when preparing to attend Jillian’s ball the following week. She wore a new ice-blue silk gown with a bodice and hem that glinted with small crystals and flowers embroidered with silver thread. Her hair was twisted, pinned and curled with a hot tong until she was the very picture of top fashion.

Her efforts were acknowledged in the squealing compliments from her friends. However, her enjoyment of their affectionate encouragement was dampened by realizing how much they did not know about what had so recently transpired in her life.

Yes, they had teased her about the time she spent with Lucien. Yes, Lucy alluded to Hannah’s hand in helping establish his new fashionable presence.

But none of them knew about the kiss, nor how desperately Hannah longed for him to be interested in her, nor even of her fears of rejection. Fears that were realized again and again each season with yet another gentleman whose interest she had placed too high a wager on.

Jillian looked radiant in a white silk gown with a sparkling silver tissue that made her catch the candlelight like a star.

Sirius.

The brightest star in the sky.