Page 141 of Highland Spy

Chapter 34

That Connor wanted Ariana to give voice to what he should have guessed was almost more than she could stand. The hurt and anger in Ariana swelled hot in the back of her throat and burned at her eyes.

“You know why I want to leave.” She threw the words at Connor like a dagger.

He folded his arms over his chest. Ever the stubborn one. “I’m almost certain I do, but I want to hear ye say it.”

She clutched the plaid he’d given her more tightly over her shoulders. The fabric hugged her skin. While she had been almost offended when he’d first given her the plaid, she was grateful for it now.

Even if he was being a cur.

“You’re cruel to make me say it.” Emotion welled in her, approaching with the certainty of a thunderstorm, roiling and darkening.

“Ye’re angry with me.” It wasn’t a question.

“I am.” She spoke through clenched teeth. “Why would you make me do this?”

The patient calm of his face bled into one of pain. “Because I want to see some emotion from ye. I canna stand this indifferent front ye’ve been offering. This isna the Ariana I know.”

The tether on all things civil and polite in her snapped. “This is the Ariana my life has made me. Am I mad at you? Yes.” She stabbed a finger into his chest. “You’re just like everyone else in my life. Like my parents who never cared for me beyond what my marriage could bring them, like my brother who tucked me away like a toy he no longer played with.”

The words were flying from her mouth with an edge of vehemence. Not only could she not stop them, she also didn’t want to.

“All my life, I’ve done what I’m supposed to. I’ve followed the rules and I’ve tried so…” The rage quivered through her muscles and she balled her fists to keep it from exploding out of her. “I’ve tried so damn hard. I wanted nothing more than to make them happy, to make you happy. To…”

The words died on her lips, melted by the hurt of what she’d almost said.

“To what?” Connor pressed.

The ache in her throat was unbearable and the warmth in her eyes spilled down her cheeks. She looked away, unable to meet his gaze when she finally answered. “To be loved. By them. By you.”

The confession shattered her heart and suddenly it hurt to even breathe.

Connor stepped forward and his arms came around her, warm and strong and secure. She fell against his chest and gave in to the fiery pain of her heart breaking.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke softly against her ear.

But his words brought no comfort. Sorry was not love, and the apology only made the pain scrape that much deeper.

Where a moment prior the release of her tears had been a much-needed reprieve, it now was unbearably intimate. She straightened and swiped at her eyes.

Her face felt hot and sticky and her head throbbed from having cried. She wanted to duck beneath the veil of her hair and hide from him.

No woman ever looked beautiful after crying—she was no exception. Looking thus in front of Connor only rubbed salt into her raw wound.

He nudged the underside of her chin up with his forefinger and tilted her face so she was looking at him. She tried to look away, but he guided her back with his thumb. “It’s my turn to confess to ye.”

She shook her head. She couldn’t hear his reasons again. Not when she knew too well why he couldn’t be with her. Hearing them again would not assuage her pain. It would only serve as a reminder. A prodding of an unhealed wound.

“That wasn’t part of the deal,” she whispered.

He smoothed the hair from her face with his large hand. His palms were cool against her temple. She wanted to close her eyes and let his calming hands soothe away the heat and the ache of her head.

But she needed to keep her resolve strong if she intended to leave.

And she did intend to leave.

“Ariana, I—”