Page 48 of Highland Spy

Ariana’s throat went tight. She wanted to grip Liv’s arm and still her efforts, but all she could do was watch, helpless, while her heart pounded.

Liv’s thin, pale hand came to rest atop her empty womb. Her eyes were fully open now, her emotions playing out over her face with heartbreaking clarity. Her eyes widened first, thrust open in desperate realization, the soft gray of her gaze searching the ceiling for understanding while her fingers patted with a frantic base need only an expecting mother would know.

Ariana pressed her hand to her mouth to stifle the aching sob growing in her throat.

Tears welled in Liv’s eyes until they passed the brim of her lashes and slid in silent agony down her cheeks. “Ariana.” Her whisper cracked with her pain.

Liv turned her head on her pillow and met Ariana’s gaze. “Please.” The horror of her realization drained the little bit of color from Liv’s already pale face and her brows pressed hard together. She shook her head, denying the painful reality of it all.

Yet seeking confirmation from Ariana.

“Oh Liv,” Ariana breathed. It was all she could manage around the squeezing pressure in her throat.

But Liv didn’t need more.

Her face crumpled and a low keening came from that place in the chest where one’s heart breaks.

Tears burned in Ariana’s eyes and her knees could no longer support her own weight. She fell upon them to the hard floor beside the bed and gathered Liv in her arms.

Liv did not fight the touch, whether through weakness or overwhelming sorrow, and let herself sob like a child against Ariana’s chest.

Percy appeared in the doorway with a mug in hand, her comely face a mask of sympathy.

“I heard her.” Her voice caught and her eyes were brilliant with open anguish.

Percy’s broken composure snagged at a deep part of Ariana and soon her own tears were almost impossible to keep at bay. They built in her throat like a swelling river against a dam until her entire neck ached from the effort.

Still Ariana fought them.

She had to be strong.

Percy helped Liv sit to receive the tonic, and the keening started once more, a dagger’s edge scraping at Ariana’s heart. The tears on Ariana’s clothing sat heavy and cold against her skin like a shroud sucked tight to her breast.

Percy tried to give Liv the contents of a mug, but Liv turned her head to the side.

Ariana should help, she knew. But her limbs were immobile, her body paralyzed by the pressure in her chest, in her head, in her heart.

Percy was there now. She could be the strong one. Because the only thing Ariana felt was helpless. She hadn’t been there when Liv’s child died, and there was nothing she could do to make any of it better now.

Liv’s cries rose and raked across a rawness within Ariana. It made her want to curl onto the floor and cover her ears.

If she could not hear, then she would not feel.

If she could not feel, then she could not break.

Already cracks were forming, and she trembled with the need to flee, to give into the swell of tears smearing the world around her.

Percy spoke to Liv, coaxing her to drink.

Perhaps it was those soothing tones which helped Ariana stay long enough to see Liv fade into sleep once more. But once her eyes were closed, once Percy gave a confirming nod, Ariana’s limbs leaped to life and carried her from the room.

She ran blindly down the stairs and halls, stone and light all smearing into a gray blur of tears. Her body burned with energy now, carrying her fast and frantic away from all the suffering.

She burst through the doors of the castle and the brilliant light of day stabbed at her poor, throbbing head. Still, she did not stop, not until she found a quiet area in the rear of the castle grounds.

Where no one would see her.

Where no one would hear her.