Page 94 of Highland Spy

She could not.

Her heart galloped in her chest. She needed to face this. Lying on the floor would solve none of her problems.

She opened her eyes and sat up, her body tense and ready for what she’d already spent too much time in dreaded anticipation of.

The chamber was empty.

She twisted around and surveyed the room.

Connor was not there.

Neither, she noticed, was his cloak, which had hung on the wall the night before.

Rage flared through her.

He had left her.

Again.

They had enough food after she’d shopped at the market the day before, and plenty of other supplies. There could be no reason for him to leave. And then she realized exactly where he’d likely gone.

Ariana dressed in a rush, purposefully ignoring the bloody clothes balled up in the corner of the room. A chill crept over her flesh. She could ignore the evidence all she wanted, but it would never make the memories go away.

Even after having saved Connor, he still left without her.

Once dressed as a servant, she made her way down the stairs, her feet slapping angrily against the smooth stone and ringing out on the circular walls surrounding her.

Too much had happened the previous night, and the memory of all of it settled like rocks in her stomach.

There would be no cowering against the reality of any of it. She would face it here and now.

Ire quickened her pace and made her arrival at Loch Manor come sooner than expected.

She’d left her blonde wig and held an empty basket propped on her hip. The guard was different than the previous day, and for that she was grateful.

“What’s yer business here?” he asked.

“Seein’ to the laundry,” Ariana answered in Gaelic with bored disinterest.

Inside, she was anything but bored or disinterested.

Looking at him reminded her of the man she’d killed. Had this guard known him? Did he know if there had been a family left to mourn? A wife and child who wondered if he’d ever return home?

Her heart crushed down into her stomach and she had to force herself to look away.

“Aye, go on then.” His attention fixed on someone behind her when she looked back toward him. She was no longer of interest to him.

Her pulse ticked a little faster.

She’d made it inside.

Now what?

The crowd of pressing solicitors disappeared behind her, as did the chatter of their many conversations. She entered a long, quiet hall made quieter still by the heavy roll of carpet muting her steps.

The furnishings were rich and stung her with the memory of having once lived such a life. A large manor, gilt-thread tapestries hanging in colorful arrays over the stonework, glossy masterpieces of carved wood chairs and tables throughout.

None of it had made her happy then, especially when she’d been so blissfully unaware of debt and its bite. But she knew for sure that none of it would make her happy now.