Page 125 of Kiss Slay Replay

Cass and Evan exchange a look across me.

“I can see you,” I tell them. I take both of their hands and squeeze. “It’s about to happen! The wedding!”

“You’re chipper,” Evan says, narrowing his eyes. “Did you take something?”

“Luke, what did you give Willa?”

“He didn’t give me anything, Cass. I’m just happy to be here, watching our best friends get married.”

“Sure,” Evan says.

I stick my tongue out at him, then rest my head on his shoulder.

I’m still skeptical that I’ve overcome the horror, hesitant to believe, but there’s something about the breeze in my hair, about the clarity of colors, about the perfume of the earth, the feel of it beneath my feet. Intangible differences.

If I am on the other side of it, if there are no more do-overs, if I can’t play this back, I want to savor it. If today is my last today, I hope to be precious with it. To be intentional with my time.

—

I listen to Steph’s and Jace’s vows. I hear them.

I think about Ravi. The promises we never made, and the ones we did but couldn’t keep. I think about how some love lasts, and some doesn’t. So it goes.

I close my eyes and see Ravi across the counter at the café ordering a black coffee all those years ago—handsome, well-mannered, quietly self-assured. I open my eyes and see him across the aisle, listening attentively, taking in every word.

Just because it wasn’t forever doesn’t strip it of meaning. It was real. I don’t need to make sense of the ending, to get stuck in the why. I don’t need to keep mourning the lives I will never lead. I can just be grateful for mine. And I can let the rest go.

—

I hang back after the ceremony, wait for Ravi and Tanya to pass by.

“Hey, Ravi.” I consider going in for a hug but opt for a smile and wave instead. “Hi, Tanya? I’m Willa. It’s really nice to meet you.”

“Hi. Hi,” she says, flustered. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Willa,” Ravi says, nodding. He’s nervous. “Hello.”

“Good to see you. Beautiful wedding, right? Beautiful venue.”

They stand there shifty-eyed, and I am unfazed.

“Tanya just realized she used to go to camp here,” Ravi says. “Back when it was a camp.”

“Really? That’s so funny. How is it being back?”

She goes pale. I probably shouldn’t have asked. “Strange, to be honest. I didn’t know until I got here. It’s different now, but it’s so familiar and it’s…it’s…very strange. Very strange. You know how it is when you’re young. A summer can feel like a lifetime.”

“Time can be tricky like that. Especially here,” I say, smiling extra wide. “I don’t want to take up too much of your evening, just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. Have fun! I’m sure I’ll see you later.”

I turn and hurry away before I inevitably ruin the illusion of my coolness. Only, is it an illusion? Maybe not! I go find Cass in line at the bar.

“How was that?” she asks.

“Not bad, actually.”

“Mm. I didn’t know if you knew. About…” She gestures toward Tanya. “I meant to—”

“It’s fine,” I interrupt, shrugging.