Page 116 of Divine Oaths

I wanted to push him away. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t forgive myself for it. And yet, I couldn’t let go either.

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness, Sianna. But I never meant for any of this to happen. Not the fire. Not your powers being bound to my lifeline. None of it,” he said, the confession broken and earnest, overtaken with longing and pain as it spilled from his lips. “And I know it’s selfish of me—loving you when I know he does too. But I love you, Sianna. I do. And I’m not sorry for that.”

I turned away from him, hiding my tears. His words were a knife to my heart, torturous, indulgent, severing my doubts even as they tore at my guilt.

“You’ll be twenty-one soon,” I said. I could barely breathe through my tears, but I forced myself to speak. I needed to focus on what was ahead and not on how my heart beat for him.

“We need to stay focused, keep you alive, and follow through with the plan. When we break the curse and bind you back to your body, we can banish whatever spirit is trapped in the blade. You’ll inherit Westfield and I’ll be free of our bond.”

Pain coursed through me even as I spoke, but it wasn’t a migraine or my powers. It was every piece of me, my heart, my soul, all of me, breaking as I said the next words.

“We’ll never see each other again when this is over. That will be our new agreement.”

Kasem was silent.

“Is that what you want?” he said finally.

His words were mangled with pain. I couldn’t look at him because if I did, my lie would unravel and so would I.

“It is.”

“Then I accept. And we’ll say goodbye then. Forever.”

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

To seek the light of truth

MY DREAMS WERE OF HIM. Even with him gone, my heart stayed with him. I wanted him to hold me, to kiss away my tears. I wanted to lie in his arms, the two of us piecing together our broken truths.

Whether I was capable of admitting it or not, it had been the curse and its ripple effects that had caused Kasem and Jojo to complete the disinheritance ritual, and the curse had been the reason for the deaths that night. Because just as much as my family and I were victims of the tragedy, so too were Jojo and Kasem.

But he was gone when I awoke, and morning brought the new weight of everything I’d come to learn, one that made my heart feel like it was being split into a thousand pieces. So I pushed my feelings down, buried my heart with him, and prepared for the vigil. It was scheduled for December 6, the final day before Kasem’s birthday when the curse could be fulfilled.

Theta and Sigma were handling the preparations. Provost Henning and the faculty gathered Theta in the conservatory, while Sigma helped the waitstaff prepare drinks and light appetizers in the dining halls.

The building itself was a massive greenhouse built to hold hundreds of visitors and was made entirely of glass. Wild foliage and immaculate plant life filled every inch of it. There were benches for visitors to sit on and a path weaving throughout the greenhouse for exploring. At the center of the conservatory, someone had set an upright piano. Thetas decorated it with intricate vines, twisting the leaves around each of the piano legs and placing lilies on its lid. And just a ways off, framed portraits of the students who’d died during the hazing were propped up and shrouded in mourning wreaths.

“It will be a procession,” Provost Henning explained as we completed the final preparations for the service. “The vigil itself will be held in our auditorium, and when it’s finished, we will lead visitors to the conservatory to say our goodbyes and donate to the families. Our pianist will be here, playing throughout the event.” She turned to me. “Any questions?” she asked.

No one spoke.

Like everyone else, she was dressed entirely in black, and the sharp contrast of the moth veil and robes she wore against her silver hair and aged figure made her look like one of the ghosts haunting Westfield.

In the glass panes of the window, I caught my own reflection. One of the Thetas had lent me a long, flowing dress with a corset bust for the occasion, and I wore it with the lace gloves Kasem had given me. Over my shoulder, I carried the satchel with the switchblade hidden inside.

The tight, curly ringlets of my hair splayed all around me like a halo of clouds, the front of which I’d braided into cornrows and woven with flowers. Since Greek life was on probation, bids were postponed. But Honey, my Big, draped Theta’s veil over me and the other pledges in a makeshift ceremony.

Professor Enlex handed me a folder of sheet music that I’d be playing throughout the night. “You can practice now, if you’d like. Though I’m sure you’ll be perfect when the time comes.”

I took the folder from her and sat in front of the piano, but I didn’t play. Instead, I spent the last few hours until the vigil reading the music and taking the notes to memory, my fingers hovering above the keys, practicing as if I were really playing. At one point, my fingers accidentally struck the keys, and I recoiled as the soft notes of Chopin echoed through the conservatory.

“I heard a rumor,” a voice said behind me.

I barely turned before Honey was there, scooting me over on the piano bench.

“They’re saying Kasem snuck out from your room this morning. I don’t know why they’re telling me,” she said with a nervous little laugh. “I guess some folks still believe the rumors about us from the maze.”

I stiffened, brushing my hair behind my ear and turning the page of the sheet music.