Page 17 of Book Club Confidential

Kate’s life was ruled by her followers and fear of losing them. Hallie endured a tyrant of a boss and a fiancé that bored her into complacency. Tessa had gold-medaled in people-pleasing so many times the weight of the awards kept her prostrate on the ground, utterly incapable of standing.

Fuck all that.

Twice.

A few minutes later, they arrived at Tessa’s building, and she slipped her key into the lock on her apartment door. She entered on autopilot. All remnants of hurt and anger had effervesced into the ether. The emptied space refilled by purpose.

Time for changes. Lots of changes. Every change she’d dreamed of making for years. She grabbed a notebook and pen from her bookcase and climbed onto her couch, tucking both feet beneath her.

“She’s making lists,” Kate said, pressing the door shut and flipping the lock.

“I’ll make drinks,” Hallie called.

Tessa drew a line down a blank page, dividing it in the middle. She wrote all the things she did on a daily basis that were above and beyond reasonable expectations. Then she sorted those things into two categories. Actions she took because they brought her joy and satisfaction versus those she did in the hopes of gaining a specific response from someone else—a promotion from her boss, for example.

Hallie arrived with a tray of drinks and an eager expression. She set the tray on the coffee table. “Rum and Coke for you two,” she said. “Coke, no rum, add vanilla syrup and maraschino cherries for me.”

Tessa and Kate thanked her and followed her lead when Hallie raised her glass in a toast.

“To friends,” Hallie said.

“And great escapes,” Kate said.

“New beginnings,” Tessa added. Then, she turned her notebook to face them. She sipped her drink and savored the familiar warmth and sweetness as her friends looked over her notes.

Hallie whistled. “That’s a lot of writing. How long was I in your kitchen?”

Kate only offered a small sad smile.

The bulk of the words on Tessa’s page fell into the category of things done for reasons other than her personal joy or satisfaction. Ninety percent of what she did every day was for someone else. Was she even a whole person if her life wasn’t lived, at least half the time, for herself?

She couldn’t continue down this path. She wouldn’t. But where did someone start the process of reinventing their entire life?

Hallie stood. “I’m going to make sandwiches. It’ll help me think.”

Tessa rested her head against the couch, hating the way she’d handled things at the gala. “Tomorrow is going to be the worst. Everyone who thought I was getting promoted will want to talk to me about it. At least half of the attendees saw me leave before Peyton reached the mic. How am I supposed to explain that I’m a brat who couldn’t be happy for a coworker? You know that’s what it looked like.”

Kate shook her head. “Don’t underestimate people. Your coworkers know who shows up and who plays golf every chance they get. Who cares about the rest of them? Say you had a family emergency.” Her fair brow knitted. “Hey, how is your dad these days? Have either of you heard anything from Devin?”

Tessa groaned. She’d temporarily forgotten about her other problem.

“Uh-oh,” Kate said. “I don’t like that sound. Something happen with your brother?”

Tessa rolled her eyes, then nodded.

Hallie returned with a look of determination and three plates. Each held a sandwich and side of chips. “What did I miss?”

“This smells amazing,” Kate said. “Bless you.”

Hallie turned her eyes to Tessa.

“Devin’s home,” Tessa said. “He’s moved in with Dad, and Dad wants us to have a nice family dinner. I’m worried it’ll be like all the other times. He’ll stay long enough to get restless and flounder, then drain a little more life from our dad, possibly some cash from his retirement account, and vanish again. All while I helplessly watch.”

“Family stuff is tough,” Hallie said.

“I hate feeling helpless,” Tessa said. “I hate being the one taking care of everything while simultaneously having no control. Meanwhile the people in power, like Dad and Xavier, make terrible choices. How did the world become so unbalanced?”

“There are power imbalances everywhere,” Hallie said. “Look at Bryce. He gets everything he wants because he was born into the right family. He’s a great guy. Kind, funny, smart, steadfast. But there are lots of other people with those qualities who have to fight for everything they have, and they will never have a portion of what others have.”